Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Happy New Year!

Well, for tmr anyway. Tmr is the start of the financial year for my firm, which means that starting tmr, the work i do will be "important" and the hours i put in will be reflected on my performance appraisal. So, today, also known as, "the last day of life as i know it", should have been somewhat special?

I guess in its own little way it was. Had lunch at this really nice (though dodgy looking) thai place. And as i waited toget my friend some extra peices of lime, i saw this asian guy in a suit standing there waiting for his order. Even out of my peripheral vision i recognised who he was. To my surprise, he turned around, and i kinda smiled (just a small polite one), and in return, he shot off a rather cute smile. Or perhaps more accurately the "hey i know you, how's things going mate" type of smile.

I think we both realised afterwards that we didnt know each other. In fact, he was the guy on the train who i kinda thought was cute and used to "observe" in the morning on my way to uni. Back in those days, i recognised him as "the guy who is a bit of a loner at uni and would sit alone in most lectures wearing a funny sort of cap". I remember thinking that he had really good skin, and that he looked much nicer and less threatening in a suit and glasses. And i have to say, the smile he had today was quite a lovely and warm one.

So, thats it, highlight of the day. Sad i know. But maybe next time, i'll actually talk to him and ask him where he works. If there is a next time.

Sunday, May 29, 2005

Warning: boring post ahead.

Isnt it weird the way some people just drop out of your life? All that's left are a few photos of drunken nights, vague memories of those nights, and even more vague conversations had during those nights, and perhaps, on the very odd occasion, something that stuck in your mind. I suppose there is also that little phone number, stored in your mobile. It lies there, dormant, giving a false sense of possibility that at any time you can call them and bring them back into your life.

Reality is, that rarely ever happens.

People just drop out, the way they dropped in. WIthout warning... or well, perhaps in some cases, with just a mere 'wop'.

Saturday, May 28, 2005

A few good deeds

Despite my ever increasing suspicion that as i approach my 'quarter-life', that said life is becoming more and more degenerate, this week, i participated in several activities that, if i dare say so myself, were quite meaningful.

The first of which happened on Wednesday, when i was involved in a Red Cross Blood drive organised through my work. This was the first time I had given blood, which inexplicably means that the whole experience was accompanied by a huge dose of anxiety. I'm not going to say that the actual "blood giving" part was painless - there was definitely some discomfort, which, i suspect, was predominately caused by my nerves which made my quite tense and by the fact that you cant really move ur arm for the 10mins or so. But whatever discomfort ended promptly after, and on reflection, the benefits definitely far outweighs it. The benefits (IMO) include:

- really really comfy lounge chairs;
- lotsa trashy mags to read;
- finding out your blood type;
- feeling that funny bag of blood and how nice and warm it is;
- getting a couple of hours off work - ligitimately;
- the yummy milkshake and snacks after;
- the excuse to pig out at lunchtime; and
- that really good feeling as the nurse removes the needle/tube from your arm, that you have done a good deed, and that your miniscule effort can help up to three people and make a difference.

My second bout of charity was an attendance of an fundraiser concert on Thrus nite for Urban Seed, a charitable group dedicated to helping the homeless and marginalised people in Melb's CBD. The concert showcased the Bearbrass ENsemble (which my friend from work A plays 2nd violin in), and also a young bloke by the name of Hugo Britt, who, it would seem, is a bit of gun at playing the flute.

Those of you who know me, would no doubt be aware that classical music (or more specifically in this case, pieces from the Baroque era), is not really my forte. But it was nice to experience something different, and to be able to enjoy the music, even without knowing the background, or what it was about. To just kinda sit there, and concentrate on nothing else but the sounds produced by a group of people and their instruments, and think of whatever comes into your mind about the music.

My final good deed was my donation of $2 to our monthly Mufti day at work: i mean, good things come in threes right?

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

One of those moments

That's it - right there. One of those moments in life when its easier to breathe through your mouth... gasping for air, swallowing it down. One of those moments when your heart hardens through that feeling when a particular thought, a particular reality hits your brain. ANd then, the brain hardens in a similar fashion. And for a brief brief moment, the pain materialises and it becomes almost physical.

Its strange how easily avoided these moments are. Perhaps if i (we) were less stubborn, just for one moment, it would all turn out differently. Happy almost. Or at least, contentment. I also realise that i have the ability to make things turn out differently. But then i think: what for? The answer, i suspect, will simply be for more of the same. And if neither of us want to make a difference, perhaps then it is all for a better?

Tomorrow is another day.

Sunday, May 22, 2005

Not happy Jan...

just returned from the most unfulfilling shopping expedition.

tried on a great emerald green silk dress which was also on sale. i noticed that there was a bit of damage on it (which i thought i would live with), so (as any other person would) i approached the SA and asked for a discount. She took it away to her colleages and returned suggesting i dont get the dress. She pointed out other points of flaw with a fabric (which didnt really bother me much until she pointed it out).. and she said that she can give me 20% off but that she "really wouldnt get it". So, relunctantly i left it with her.

i mean, i wouldnt want to appear as someone who happily wears faulty clothes right? But i really do still like the dress, and with the extra 20%, it would be almost 50% off the original price. bugger.

i think i really need to buy it now.

Saturday, May 21, 2005


Perhaps "depression" (and i use the term loosely) is a self fulfilling prophecy. This week, at least three people have come up to me wearing looks of concern saying thing like "whats wrong?" or "are you ok? you look sad" or "you dont seem your usual self" (whatever that may be). And at the end of this week, i do feel noticeably more depressed. Maybes its just caused by the stress of why all these people are thinking this way about me?

I'm again going thru that "no body loves me" phase... where i'm not 'popular, or important of center-of-attention' enough for my liking. But is anyone ever? I feel like i've been a bitch... a bit too much of a bitch, but probably still not enough. i dont like the clothes i have in my wardrobe... and of course, the issue of the dreaded "F-word". And to add to that, i'm sick of the way my relationship is.... and more importantly, i'm sick of ppl asking about it - i mean, its pretty clear that i'm trying to avoid the issue isnt it?

ANyhow.. maybe i'm just hungover and sleep deprived and PMS-ing (oh the dreaded TLA*)... maybe i'll go and do something wholesome and useful tmr to make up for it.

* Three Letter Acronym

Sunday, May 15, 2005

Hours of amusement


Me VS the world of people who can cook

This weekend i went to a couple of rather 'adult' parties and the hosts of each made a spectacular array of tasty food. On the menu were homemade pizzas, a variety of gourmet salads, little bite-size cheesy thing with semi dried tomatoes, smoked salmon and cream-cheese wrapped in sliced cucumber etc. etc....

I talked to a couple of managers at work (they were both young married professional women... not really the daggy stereotypical 'manager' types) and they were discussing baking of cakes, and the cooking of legs of lamb and the use of a rice cooker versus cooking rice on a stove top. It made me think that i'm so illiterate in the language of cooking. Whilst i watch a ton of cooking shows, i've never really put any of it into practice.

Am i the only person on the face of the earth who cant cook?

Saturday, May 14, 2005


Have you noticed that in our 'adult life' we very rarely receive any direct praise for what we do, our acheivements, or for 'just being there'? When was the last time somebody said that you that something you did was great, or that you are doing really well? Not just any old praise - but the kindergarden type where you correctly indentified that 2 time 3 equals 6 and you get that enthusiastic "very good!".

You may say that we do get praise in moments of great acheivement. Like in graduations for example where you get applauded for surviving the academic process. But to be honest, applause is just a token gesture really... or at least, i rarely put any 'real praise' into it.

So having said all that, i guess it makes it extra special when one does receive this 'praise'.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

I have nothing...

I have nothing really of note to blog about. Perhaps apart from the fact that i remembered (very vaguely) several occurences today which i thought mite make an interesting addition to the blog. Its almost like when u have a really good dream but then u cant seem to recall it when you wake up.

Or maybe my brain cells are dying from alcohol poisoning which results in premature alzheimers? Or perhaps my memory brain cells are just on strike. But to put a more positive spin on thing (just for the hell of it), maybe they have much better and more important things to remember than the random events which happen in my silly little life.

Addendum: Perhaps the 'better and more important' things to remember would be related to the Federal Budget released tonight? I havnt really looked at it, but according to The Age, as an 'average taxpayer" (earning bw $21,600 and $58,000) i can look forward to a tax cut of $6 per week. Thanks Pete!

Now to think of all those wonderful things i can do with my $6. Perhaps now i can afford to purchase a copy of the Big issue from that bloke on our corner so that he would stop harassing me? Or maybe i can get that double white mocha frappe-latte-cino with whipped cream? Or i could revive my magazine addiction and subscribe to STYD? All the possibilities! And best of all, maybe this can make up for my loss of not being able to open and ING account tonite and get that $123 bonus! I'm feeling better already.

Sunday, May 08, 2005


No no... dont get too excited yet... i'm not abt to divulge valuable info here. But i did just engage in some 'confessing' activity with some besties over coffee and icecream.

To my slight surprise, it seemed to be received with sheer horror (ok.. perhaps i have exaggerated). But it really makes me wonder whether i am simply a morally deprived person? Perhaps i'm just a bitch, or a slut, or some sort of crazy person who lives constantly on the edge? [though that thought does agree with me... makes me sound like an asian version of Angelina Jolie!]. Perhaps i had simply picked the wrong audience? Maybe all i needed was to fess up to some irresponsible alcoholics who empathise with the variety of strange and wonderful things drunken ppl do. But then again, i wasnt really after empathy, in fact, i dont really think i was after anything at all.

I suppose the diplomatic thing to say now is that everybody simply has different view on what behaviour is acceptable and what crosses the line. And well, its probably true.

Saturday, May 07, 2005

Do you accept Diners?

Such dangerous words which are so frequently uttered from my lips.

On a happy note, it also means i get the immediate gratification of new possessions. I suppose pleasure never comes without a healthy dose of pain.

Another secret.

Yes yes... i have another secret.

This time it's bigger and better... and quite bad.

But what is life without a little mischief eh?

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Enough Already!

I'm sick of being fat! just eating extensive amounts and then sitting on my arse to encourage the development of fat. So, today i joined the gym... for a 12 month contract. I'm not going until next monday though....

So i have one more week(end) to be fat.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

My failed attempt at email blogger

Not very happy about the fact that email blogger doesnt seem to work for me. I was super bored on monday morning (trying to procrastinate so that i would waste the morning before we went go-karting) so i thought that email blogging would provide an adequate distraction from doing real work. Perhaps because of my unsuccessful attempt to waste time, i seem to not have gotten over my 'urge' to do no work. As a result, i've been diligently doing "no work" for the past 2 days. Plus, tmr looks to be a complete write off...

very much looking forward to it!

Sunday, May 01, 2005


Is it bad blogging etiquette/practice to do two in one day?? Should i perhaps have waited til after midnite? Well, this milestone moment simply could not wait!

Today i had my first "working on the weekend" experience. *shock horror*

The good news is, my counselling manager was there to do her work too - i must appear so dedicated and hardworking.

Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

Went to see it last nite on the advice of work friend A. In fact, he had recommended it so much that he said he wanted to go see it again!

I can definitely see why he had enjoyed it so much. The movie had this strange flavour to it (and not only because it is set in the outerspace!) and a distinct British type humour... which... well.. was really funny. And of course, despite its strangeness it actually had some sort of message. It was the type of 'funny cos its true' humour.. having a good old laugh at ourselves, our society, our religion... all the things we take so seriously in life.

In the end, it all doesnt really matter. We could well be just a miniscule part of something much much grander. One minute we are here, and the next we could be demolished to make way for a hyper space freeway. Its all good.... just as long as you have ur towel and a nice cuppa.