I think i'm getting too old for this staying out til 6am business. Cant say i'm feeling or looking too crash hot atm - am dreading the idea of having to pull through another week of work tmr. perhaps a sickie is (finallY) in order.
As expected, i drank and subsequently tried to flirt with various people at work, had a bit of a dance, and made some awfully bitchy remarks. the drinking and flirting and embarrassing dancing was one thing, but being known as a BIG old bitch, that's another. Fortunately, most of these comments were made in the early hours of the evening at the supper club. Regardless of venue and audience, perhaps i shouldnt have made those comments about a certain person's dress/hotness. i know it makes me seem vain (which i am), and bitchy (which i also am), but somehow, i simply couldnt help it.
Conversation was particularly strange with S, a 'golden child analyst' at work who i've always felt uneasy about. S is one of those really confident guys who tries his best to patrionise the crap out of anyone (in his peer of course), but yet still somehow maintains a suave demeanour which i'm almost tempted to label as 'charming'. My friend B describes this guy as "smarmy" (and if u know him, u would agree that it's a perfect description) and well, generally, this is just one shifty dude. As the girls of the group began a bitch session on the outfit of a particular analyst (J), someone asked the boys whether they thought she was hot. The boys, all gave their diplomatic answers, and i as i prompted S that it's his turn to share his thoughts, he turned to me and said "well, she's hotter than you".
Harsh harsh man. For the next 5 mins, i tried my best to retaliate (i think i did a decent job and came up with a few gems but deep down i knew it wasnt good enough - that comment killed me and it was obvious). And as the general air "i'm never going to forgive u" clouded the room, S stood up and annouced that he will redeem himself. An impossible feat i had thought. Those were some harsh words that he uttered, and was not planning to settle easily. As he walked by behind my chair, he whispered in my ear "but you are much much hotter than L".
By way of background, L is a chick who we all know i think is hot - super hot, much hotter than J hot - Though we also have established that L has a little bit of an attitude. And in light of this, i couldnt help but concede defeat. He had said the one perfect thing to bounce back into my good books - no questions. And despite my views on this person, i couldnt help but drop my hat to that move. i felt like he had read me like an open book - that he knew exactly what ticked me off, and incidently back on again. it was a miracle. As an aquarian, i hate the thought of being read/figured-out, that i was simply like any normal chick and that i would act and react in predictable ways. And yet, i had to be fair. he really got me on that one.
AFter the peripheral people left, we moved back into the main room of supper club with the normal 'drinking grad crew' + Smarmy. As we lounged around on the couches talking general crap, i could have sworn in my drunken haze that he was flrting with me: the sharing of cigarettes, the slightly secretive discussions, the accusation that i should be 'with my bf instead of being there trying to pick him up', and mentioning his place in east st kilda. Despite the evil power he wields, i really wasnt interested (very very gentle flirting mainly based on intrigue and the fact that he was half-decent looking, but for those of u who know me, i have a rather heightist discrimatory policy and last nite i was wearing super killer heels). But i couldnt help but feel that he was playing me in his own little way - perhaps simply for amusement. Almost doing it to test the level of power he can assert simply by being presumptive and confident. u get the feeling that this guy tends to get his way. There are other more complicated causes of his behaviour which i suspect, but those would require further 'spilling of guts' which is, (atm at least) beyond the scope of this blog.
All in all, i do find Smarmy intriguing. previously i had just written him off as just another asshole, a cocky confident kinda guy who just 'smarms' and bullshits the way to what he wants. a guy i had avoided religously simply becuase i hate 'guys like that'. but perhaps there is more? or perhaps i've done the unthinkable and have been fooled by his smarmy ways? either way, i felt that i have learnt something about myself. Its funny how there are guys who are nice (but not too nice) - those who say the right things at the right times, who tell you that they cant 'figure you out', that you have layers and complications, that there is something inside which you wont let out (all things that i, love hearing bc i love to think that i'm exactly that). those nice (but not too nice) guys are great - excellent ego builders. But its nothing compared to the asshole who seems to know that you are simply plain-jane, and can just make you feel that way on command.
All girls know that chicks will always find the bad guy more interesting - but nothing like a good old real life example to drive the theory home.
note:
apologise for the long and incoherent blog. without the context of my mundane little existence and the matrix of relations bw the various characters - the above probabaly doesnt mean a whole lot. So i guess the above is simply for me. just for my sake of taking that step of admitting something about myself which i find so hard to do.
