Saturday, November 20, 2004

a twist of fate...

Isn't it strange how you think things are going so well, that everything is under control... and then suddenly, something happens and everything changes?

Or perhaps its not so much that everything changes, but rather, something happens and makes u realise what has been going on and all the problems and issues resurface. Makes you think that you never really know what this strange little world really brings.

I'm one of those know-it-all control freaks, i always like to think i know more than people around me, that i can always see things clearly and that i know exactly how other people are and how i am. I always think i can solve my own problems and cant see why other's cant. And if they can't, they are simply weaker. But more and more i think that this arrogance is simply naivity. I never thought that i would be caught in this place. I always think that people who cant make a firm decision, who delve in and out of the same problems over and over are pathetic. And perhaps they are - which means that i also am.

Until last night, i had honestly thought that i had 'solved' the problem - i have 'made' one (correct) decision and i haev stuck with it... and i was happy. Until the stupid little thing that happened last night, which suddenly dispelled my certainty and bought me right back to where i was - except everything is a little worse than it was.

And then i think of the other more optimistic possibility - that i'm only having these thoughts and uncertainties bc i am stressed out and haev pms or something. Which would mean that i will be back to my old arrogant and know-it-all self in no time.


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