Tuesday, November 09, 2004

Losing Friends?

Are we in that stage in our lives where we are 'losing friends'? well, perhaps not so much losing per se, but just drifting apart.

Just sent an email to an old friend S. She is one of (if not THE) nicest people i know. So well natured, kind and caring, generous, always thinking of others, never selfish, dedicated and determined, hard working, and most of a good heart and a true friend. Sometimes, she so 'nice' to the point that its painful to watch. In first year we used to email each other almost daily. She went to a different uni from me, so we dont really have much opportunities to catch up but for the emails. We just used to talk about our daily lives, what has happened, who we've met, what problems we are facing... perhaps not so much asking for advice, but just sharing our itimate thoughts and feelings on the matter. As we had described, almost like and interactive diary.

Somewhere along the track, we had stopped. I dont think either of us can remember why. Perhaps we got too busy (wel... though i'm never busy)... perhaps we just couldnt be bothered... or perhaps it was too hard trying to factor another person into our lives? Last week, i got an email from S - it turned out to be just spam mail. i emailed her to ask if it was her, and she wrote back. her message was short - basically 'no it wasnt me... but how are u... i'm busy with exams etc etc...' Just friendly chit chat, but it was sweet and caring and genuine - just as i would expect from her.

I wrote back. it was a long-winded ordeal... i told her about how i'm worried about work (couldnt think of a better person to share that with - S is always a good listener and an understanding friend)... how its kinda weird finishing uni... and how i missed those emails we used to have. Which was the truth. i really wonder whether we have drifted so far apart, and whether its still possible to 'pick up where we left off'?

Watched the 2nd final episode of sex last nite. And it kinda hit me that i didnt really care abt that bullshit with Big and COR (creepy old russian)... what touched me was the part abt losing her friends. And as tears gushed into my eyes, i wondered, along with Carrie... "what if i had never met you...?"


At 11:21 PM, Blogger Sevenchild said...


Unlike the fantasy of the Sex-girls and the life they lead, we aren't afforded such luxury. We can't lunch whenever coz of mutual commitments, and certainly not wherever coz of the potential financial liability.

So THAT, my love, is why we should go out and marry someone rich =) It removes aaaaall the reservations and plops us into exactly that fantasy world. Manolos without *any* sores, sex without pregnancy, designer wear without gawking stares of envy or jealousy whichever seems more fitting.

If, however, we're more on the morally unfucked side of the line, with just that tad more self-respect, i would say that we'd have to work hard to earn that living that others need not.

Now, i bring work, and hence "lack of time and attention to give friends" into this equation, because - if i may be so presumptious to assume I know - this particular S is someone very ambitious.

If i'm right as to identify - and i hope I am as I'd otherwise look semi-idiotic - then there is one thing i will say which is blaringly obvious and that which we both now: play with what u've got, and mould according to circumstance.

Character analysis? S is the type who wants things, and she'll work at it. Perhaps to the exclusion of her friends, who don't understand her area of work. Everyone deals differently to things, and that's something we as friends have got to accept sometime sooner or later. For me, that's one of the hardest lessons i've had to learn.

=) My qualification, is that "if it's worth it, then you'll find a way to keep it". Humans are very simple at heart. :)

At 10:07 PM, Blogger Kate said...

It sucks when somehow, you lose a friend, and the only reason you can think of why you're drifting apart is the passage of time. I have been VERY lucky to keep one friend I made in elementary school, and one friend I made in high school. I sometimes keep in touch with an ex boyfriend I dated in college. There's this one friend whom I absolutely miss, I email him sometimes, and sometimes he sends group emails about his life, but I haven't heard from him in ages.

I agree with the other commenter, we can only do so much to uphold a friendship. If you want to be in someone's life, you'll find a way to be in it. It's just tht sometimes, you don't realize that something is happening to put you out of the forefront of someone else's life.


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