Monday, November 07, 2005

How was your weekend?

Aside from the usual Monday anxiety, today I have an extra problem. On my train ride in this morning I suddenly felt a fear of the above question. "how was your weekend?" they all ask. The fact it is, it was shit. I'm sleep deprived and emotionally drained, tired of it all.

For the first time ever (in my 10 years of knowing my bestie A), Saturday was the first time she had seen me cry. Of course, we were at the wedding of my good friend, and tears of happiness as her husband nervously recited his vows did flow, but those are not the tears I'm referring to. Those tears of happiness is not something I'm ashamed about. In fact, my tears of frustration/anger/helplessness/sadness(?) are also not something I'm ashamed of. Perhaps I am a little - just because I couldn’t 'hold it in'. It was so uncharacteristic of me. But perhaps the cumulation of what had happened on thrusday nite and to be subjected to similar again was too much. Still, I wish I was able to be responsible and logical, to let it slide off like water on a duck's proverbial back. But perhaps that was the thing - that I was sick and tired of being responsible and logical, this overwhelming sense of "why me?" - why is it ok for me to be treated in that way. Well its not.

Unlike most others, I do not have a home sanctuary to return to. My being at home simply opens another emotionally distressing can of worms.

I wish I could answer cheerfully that my weekend was good. I wish I can write a happy blog. But I simply cannot.


At 11:04 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey there. I don't really see what was the big deal about Thursday. Perhaps you were a bit choked up when you posted, but it doesn't really seem like he's done anything to you, or offloaded any shit down your direction. Reading the post, it seems like there's perhaps a little bit more than meets the eye...care to elaborate, or is this not the forum for doing so?

At 9:24 AM, Blogger JumpingPuddles said...

Hey - FYI, this post is not about 'thursday'. Why post twice (or as the case may be, more than twice) about the same unimportant prick? was simply recording how i had felt abt certain occurences. perhaps will discuss another time. but in light of my 'resolution', perhaps can just let it go.

you should study some more rather than read stupid things that i write! hahah... :-)


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