Bombshells, Lifts and Paranoia

My dear friend B has finally droped the bombshell - that after a mere 6 months of full time work, she has jumped ship and is taking up a better offer with a competitor. Whilst i had the fortune of gradually getting used to the idea that the naughty corner will be one less naughty, and "3 musketeers" can no longer sing 'eternal flame' at the alcohol-induced-top-our-lung, it none the less comes as a shock. or at least, a moment where it all crystalises into reality. There were a few more tears which B shouldnt have cried, but when has the fact that we are at work ever stopped B? - it certainly doesnt stop her now. So that's it, tmr is her last day.

Eitherway, i'm happy for her. its a big choice, but its a good one for her now. its a brave choice and i'm proud of her for taking it.

So today, perhaps influenced by her annoucement, perhaps just out of my erratic nature and self-centred perspective -"I" (read: me me me) felt really shitty. For one, i felt rather unproductive at work, and highly uninspired and distracted. unable to finish anything which made it all worse. then, i did something really embarrassing which i hate myself for. (embarrassment is one of those things for me - i have memories from grade 2 of horendously embarrassing moments which i still occasionally relive...)

So, today, i sent a mass email out to say that i have a card for B's leaving and for those not on my floor, please come to my desk to sign it. Smarmy (u may recall him from a previous post) replied and CC-ed in J, a golden girl analyst saying "why dont YOU come to MY desk". for some reason, i thought it was a joke and i replied (also CC-ing J) "yes, S, i'ld love to come to your desk - i even made B resign so i could visit". Now why the hell did i do that?? i must be some weirdo. I guess looking at it now, it doesnt seem that bad, but it particularly is bc i know J has been spreading rumours abt me and S - the thought of which makes me cringe in disgust.

Then later in the arvo, J emailed me saying "S and I will come over tmr morning to sign the card, please make sure it's at ur desk cos we dont have time to ride in lifts all day". ouch. wat a biatch. i hate to think that abt her, cos its so out of character. i think i'm assuming the worst? perhaps its by her associations with S and what i heard she was saying abt me? i dunno, although she is a golden girl and highly ammbitious (an a bit of a suck) - its not in her character to be a bitch. surely?

Anyway, i cant beleive i'm posting this incredibly petty thing here. i will certainly regret it while i regain composure (haha!) or at least stop being in this stupid mood. or perhaps paranoia about work related things is an incurable disease?