The Random Repercussions of Puddle Jumping

Couples

2007-11-12T20:34:00.000+11:00

I know this guy from a number of years ago, a few years younger than me, but we were doing vacation work together. A small group of us vacationers at the time got along really well - going out on fridays, rolling our eyes at each other during yet another training session. Though at the end of it, we kind of went our separate ways, particularly because this guy chose to go back to uni to study a law degree.

Then a couple of years ago, I met a girl - also doing vacation work. Though this time, she was the vacationer and I was her 'buddy'. She struck me as being very intelligent, elegant, and an all around lovely girl. At the end of it, we parted our ways, with her going back to uni for another two years, eventually joining a law firm.

Through the magical powers of facebook, i realised that these two were actually a couple. Not too surprising considering that they did study at uni together. Every so often I would see a picture of the two of them together on facebook - nothing special, just random stuff, small giggles, the ddribs and drabs of life. and Yet something makes my heart melt. There was just something about them that i felt was so right... and yet i knew nothing really about these two people. Somehow, although i knew them briefly and in a different context, i can see how they would click. And i felt that the fact the two lovely people found each other was something, special.

Its funny how you can see some couples that simply warm your heart and you know that it would work out and that they will have children and bicker and laugh and grow old. Its not the couples who show pictures of romantic candle lit dinners, who share stories of their engagement, the song that a certain someone wrote for a certain someone... but the ones that... click.

How can someone so "ying" be so "ull"?

2007-07-24T20:28:00.000+10:00

Some things i just dont understand...

Just really had to share that thought. I had always had the theory that people who dress with style and flair, people have generally make an effort on the way they look tend to have a particular type of extroverted personality. That really, the way one dresses is an expression of themselves and hence the if they are quite trendy in their dress sense, they tend to be a particular type of witty/outgoing person who likes to interact with the world.

Apparently not true. Or perhaps this person just choses not to share his witty/outgoing self with me.

Just can't get my head around it.

the world we live in

2007-07-21T18:01:00.000+10:00

perhaps i'm a little slow to all this, perhaps i have a tendency of being in denial, but it wasnt until recently that i actually felt that the world was no longer safe.

yes, it may have been more than 5 years post 911, but its impact never sunk in for me. Of course, i remember exactly what i was doing the moment that the new broke, of course i saw the second plane crash into the tower as the reporter was discussing the first, and i most certainly will be haunted forever by the the images of people jumping off the building, like pins, to avoid the gruesome death they felt was ahead - but it never really made a personal impact. Somehow, i (perhaps naively) thought that it was far from my life, that it would never happen to me - not here, and it wasnt relevant.

But recently, i noticed that it finally has. it affects all our lives, and dare i use the cliche, that the liberty of our 'western' style of living and the choices we make in living out that life is somewhat hindered by an innate fear of 'something bad' happening. The fear has finally seaped into and gotten to me.

A couple of weeks ago i was having dinner one friday night at singapore chom chom. half way through, the diners all started coughing, us included. it was a sensation of suffication, of difficulty breathing, needing more air but the air that we were breathing was stinging. The first thought in my mind was 'something bad has happened - we must be being poisoned, and i'm going to die'. turned out that the police had used capiscan spray on someone outside the restaurant and the fumes had seeped inside and due to the poor ventilation, had that effect on the patrons. But the point was that my first thought turned to the worst. Perhaps it was melodramatic to think that a restaurant full of coughing diners would lead to a "we're all gonna die!" situation (maybe its just me in my old age?) - but i cant help but admit that it was no longer a fanciful proposition - it was no longer unlikely that something would happen, suddenly, and we are all going to die.

Every so often, particularly when i'm bored and on public transport, i think about what would happen if suddenly chaos broke out and there was an attack - what about my family, my friends and my loved ones? what about the future that i was to have? and then i think about the frightening possibility that at that very same moment, somewhere in the world, something might actually be happening.

In a stage of my life where so many of my friends and family and moving overseas to experience the big smoke - it does feel a bit scary. But ultimately, despite my slightly neurotic paranoia, i guess we just have to keep moving on with our lives and not let the possibility of something bad happening hinder our decisions. In the next week or so, i'll be bidding a good friend farewell to the UK, in 6 weeks i'll be making my first holiday over there my self. SO despite the world we live in, i think i'll be happy and excited for my friend and continue to look forward to the wonderful holiday that i'll be having.

The lesson is this

2007-06-04T00:37:00.000+10:00

Never check your emails on a Sunday night. Youll just realise that your account has been bombarded with project emails and you cant help but to start worrying for the week ahead.

The other lesson, is that some things will always haunt you. Even things that you didnt think mattered to you anymore, there are always random ppl who choose to remind you of the past. But ultimately, if it doesnt matter anymore - i guess the feeling that these ppl arose is really only bemusement, surprise and perhaps a tiny bit of resentment - for the comment to lay a black smudge on your day. But i suppose what comes around goes around. if what has happened is a fact, then i guess you'll just have to put up wth it... occasionally.

my 'health kick'

2007-02-01T20:57:00.000+11:00

Amazing - already one month!!

anyway, to put a stamp of something-ness onto this new year, i've decided to go on a health kick (this is already the 3rd week!). well, i keep telling ppl that its a 'health kick' but really its a diet to lose 5 kgs. i feel like its working... at least yesterday i was able to wear this office outfit that i havnt worn for at least 6 months cos i was 'too -fat'. must admit that at times its hard and i feel so so hungry.. and the doing of exercise is of course v difficult (tho i'm trying to get the hang of it).

on another note of 'something-ness' pls check out www.melbourne-runway.blogspot.com

finally a melbourne street styleblog! Love it

Happy New Year?

2007-01-01T23:16:00.000+11:00

I've kinda been a reflective mood this new years...its simply gone by so quickly, and i feel like my year has been consumed by work. not that it is necessarily bad (perhaps one needs a hard core work phase)... but i feel like i have had a good time this yer, tho not necessarily a memorable one: dinners and lunches and those sunday brunches... slow sips of coffee, sunglasses off and on as we step in and out of places, browsing aimplessly through stores filled with nic nacs and the lastest hip domestic craze...

and meanwhile the word is one ever so full of destruction, death and disaster. there is one of those 'international news year in review shows now on HK tv'... has it always been like this? war and bombings, death sentences, nuclear testing, riots and military coups and endless political change? where is the good and the love in the world - does it still exist?

and i continue my existence of dinners and partying and brunch, striving daily for that contentment and happiness from my trivial daily life - shoudl this be enough? and what can i do? Perhaps the only thing i can do is to try to me happy - i mean, surely a world so full of chaos and uncertainty can use another person who is at least somewhat 'happy' or at least can find that inner contentment when having that second sunday latte? and if everyone in the world had those small luxuries of the weekend sleep ins, the dinner at a new restaurant and friends who party - perhaps the world would be a better place?

in any event - happy new year. May 2007 be just that much better...

dance like no one's watching

2006-12-03T16:55:00.000+11:00

surely whoever said that must have been on E.

messages

2006-12-02T12:23:00.000+11:00

its always so hard to interpret things that are written arnt they?

there are the one liners - the simply brief questions that really are just that. but yet can still be open to interpretation. what, for example is the motivation behind the Q? just a general friendly concern, a token gesture, something that is done regularly by said person, or more?

is the message a cleverly crafted one - like the one that i returned? not wanting to say nothing (how can i pass a chance?) but not wanting to launch into anything. not wanting to give away too much, but want to provide enough to elicit a response. to be witty and clever and most of all careful. and what of the recipient - what goes through the mind of the recipient of my carefully designed master piece?

and the most puzzling reply. probably nothing, but could mean so much to me. i could spend hours thinking about it... reading and re-reading the words. hoping there is more, but knowing there is not. the open possibility and impossibilities of messages.

Disappointment

2006-11-04T16:31:00.000+11:00

Firstly, i'm a little disappointed with French Vogue for this cover. I dont mind Paris as the choice of the cover (i think she is an interesting specimen for pyschologic analysis), but that photo and the underboob cleavage? It's just so FHM.
Having said that, i do like her hair in that shot - i wonder if it would work on me?

Disappointment, is of course linked to expectation. Generally, I'm a pessimistic - anticipating the worst to avoid disappointment. But when u hear news that makes you feel disappointment in the most unexpected and unjustified way - what does it mean? I think it means (shock horror) that my "issues" are becoming worse. I think about it far far too much.

Must stop

Random thoughts etc

2006-09-24T14:28:00.000+10:00

Just wanted to take the time to blog something - some random thoughts etc:

Was just thinking how everything is relative to everything else, and how easy it is to be absorbed in the moment.

Life isnt a competition. Its not a case of "mine's bigger than yours".

Do we look for the 'perfect partner' or the unattainable person that makes your heart skip a beat? Is this the same person?

Should i wear a white (albeit casual and funky) dress to my counsin's wedding?

Why isnt my assignment finished?

The other night i caught up with my 'party/clubbing' buddies. It was nice to reminence the 'old days' when we were 'young'. The girl who i used to think was the no. 1 party animal told me how 'old' she felt, and how she 'didnt feel like' dancing. i suddenly liked her a whole lot more.

Ever known that couple where you thought the bloke was totally whooped and the girl wore the pants? Ever have that thought completely reversed? Since then, i totally liked the girl a whole lot more.

Maybe i only like women if i can identify a 'weakness' in them? perhaps that makes me able to identify with them more?

Ever noticed how your movements can be suddenly dictated by the tempo of a song u are listening to?

You know what is comforting? Having this panic attack that your bestie became as foreign as albania, and then realising that nothing has actually changed.

Better do my assignment.

Did i tell you how much i LOVE my new white dress?

In anecdotes i find truth...

2006-07-02T19:21:00.000+10:00

On chairs...
Most bedrooms have a chair. This isn't where you sit, it's where your clothes sit while they're watching you sleep.

Queens...
Few people wear a whole new outfit every day: among them are the Queen and the woman at work who thinks she's the Queen.

Socks and Sex

You can tell how much zest there still is in your relationship by noting when the man's socks come off; before pants means sex is still important; after pants means sex is much less important; socks on all night means sex is a distant memory.

The art of undressing

Getting undressed can be a very erotic display. There are two exceptions to this: one is when men with big ears get stuck when pulling their shirt over their head; the other is when a woman takes off her bra and has to perform a manoeuvre that makes her look as if she's unlocking a door behind her while simultaneously signalling a small aircraft in to land.

The Shoe of Salvation

2006-06-03T23:12:00.000+10:00

SHOE: Look at me. Am I not wonderful?

LADY: You are the most wonderful shoe in the world. I fall to my knees and weep with pleasure when I am with you.

... ...

LADY: You are BEAUTY. You are TRUTH. In you I find my SALVATION.

SHOE: Thank you. You are a nice lady.

Crush

2006-06-01T22:43:00.000+10:00

When was the last time you had a crush? You know, in that school girl/boy kinda way?

Was just chatting to some friends about stalkers - remembering back when A and i used to 'stalk' this guy (i think his name was Yuki) at the tram stop... and then we kinda followed him to his home... That sheer exhilaration whenever we saw him.

And what about now? in our (newfound) adulthood, are these 'crushes' allowed? Do we really have a crush where we are irrationally attracted to someone even though: (a) we dont know them in any meaningful way, (b) nothing would ever happen, and (c) we really dont have anything in common with them or (d) all of the above. Logically, perhaps we simply like the idea of someone like 'the crush', someone with those unique set of qualities which they have. Perhaps its just the idea of having something that we dont have, or that we dont even really want, but seems like a 'good idea'?

Success

2006-05-05T09:00:00.000+10:00

Went to my friend's graduation dinner last nite, probably one of the last one's i'll go to (well, until ppl finish masters - but do ppl celebrate such things?). Anyway, another friend, rather aptly forwarded me this morning the following:

SUCCESS:

At age 4 success is . . . not piddling in your pants.

At age 12 success is . . . having friends.

At age 17 success is . . having a drivers licence.

At age 35 success is . . . having money.

At age 50 success is . . . having money.

At age 70 success is . .. . having a drivers licence.

At age 75 success is . . . having friends.

At age 80 success is . . . not piddling in your pants.

So, i have a drivers licence (which in 2 days will no longer be probationary - sad i know, but SUCCESS!) but i dont have any money...

I suppose that makes me 'on track' to success? I guess i'll just have to work on the not piddling in my pants part... :-P

Grumpy

2006-04-06T19:16:00.000+10:00

Actually, i thought it was just grumpy-ness. I had thought it was PMS but that surely is well and truely over.

Then it dawned on me that maybe my reactions are because i'm a bit tense. i'm becoming competitive at work and therefore everything, albeit a tiny little thing, means that much more, and is just that irritating.

a third possibility is that this person really is annoying. this is backed up by two other ppl who have felt the same.

so, the question remains - who's problem is it? maybe i should stop over analysing things.

biiiiiaatch

2006-04-01T14:23:00.000+11:00

The other day i was eaves dropping on two hongkie kid's conservations on the train (one of my favourite past times). Their whole conversation revolved around gossiping about their common friends. For eg, the guy, (lets call him Pink, cos he was wearing a pink polo shirt), started bitching to the girl (lets call her... shorty - self explanatory) about his housemate. It seemed like he had a pretty convinced audience already and so he continued to rattle on about a list of trivial things that his housemate does at home to "prove" what a stupid cow she is. the list includes, the fact that she wears short shorts at home, the fact that she doesnt close her bedroom door when she sleeps, the fact that she doesnt know how to use dial up internet etc.

Then the conversation moved on to another friend they know from their church (who really seemed more like a frenemy of Pink). And it was more of the 'he said, she said...' ordeal.

And our lives, are filled with such trivial things - but somehow, they seem important and interesting (at least it was interesting to me on the 20 minute train ride). The following day, i bumped into my friend on the bus. i casually enquired about how a common friend (who works with this guy) was going. His reply was "i've heard stuff about her". "oh really?" i enquired (and yes, i was genuinely interested in what he had to say - what was the goss?). Then, to my amusement and disapointment, he proceeded to tell me about some "goss" about her which happened about 10 years ago (literally! - back in our highschool days).

i shrugged and casually commented " yeh, that was a long time ago" in an effort to not dwell on the petty past. 10 years ago. How many mistakes and stupid things we have done in highschool which really does not reflect on the person we are now. how petty to bring up such failings of the ancient past on a simple enquiry of 'how is she going?'. Why not simply say - 'yeh, she's great' or 'yeh, she broke her ankle yesterday?'

This did not stop me from relaying this 'bus story' to my friends, in an effort to convey what pettiness was demonstrated by this guy. And so, the cycle continues. You can never be immune from petty gossip. All of us, guilty as charged.

Debrief

2006-03-26T12:47:00.000+11:00

Just a quite de-brief about our all u can eat jap experience. in a word, it was disapointing. the reason why the place was booked out for three weeks is because it was only big enough for about 3 or 4 tables. the menu selection was small, and they only had the very very basics. it seems like they are more a takeaway place rather than a jap restaurant. they did however have a tasty beef and asparagus salad. Some of their items were quite tasty, but simple. the sushi was disapointing. the sushi rice had been over refidgerated and was a bit hard, some of the sashimi pieces appeared to be off-cuts. the tuna was too lean, and therefore of the tasteless variety. their seared tuna salad was nice, and it seemed that the tuna in the salad was of a better quality.

still didnt stop us from stuffing ourselves silly and having a generally fun time.

all up, two stars for surf n turf.

The long drought

2006-03-25T13:02:00.000+11:00

yes indeedy. i doubt anyone even looks at this blog anymore! in fact, i was surprised that it hasnt been taken down due to 'inactivity'.

Perhaps the inactivity of the blog is a representation of my own 'activity'? i guess i've just been too busy and occupied with various things to post here. or perhaps my mind has become... dull (?) ... or inspired, such that i dont really have any sparks of genious to write down (have i ever?).

its been another three months of work. and i have noticed that in this year i've been thinking abt work a lot. getting ahead, and getting promoted is often on my mind - tho i seem to do very little about it. we have had an influx of new graduates, i classify them into groups:

1. i like them, think they will do well
2. i think they are idiots
3. i think they think they will do well and are trying too hard (ie. i find them annoying)
4. i dont know their names.

Despite my constant thinking of what i can do to excell at work, i dont really find myself doing anything all that wonderful. hopefully things will change.

tonight we are going to this japanese call u can eat place in brighton called "surf n turf". cant wait.

only 4 hours to go!

Snowed Under

2005-12-21T21:40:00.000+11:00

Absence of blogging explained 100% due to the 'never-ending' to do list at work. in this last working week/month of the year i have been completely snowed under.

am flying of to thailand/hk on sat, but honestly the sheer volume of work means that i have had no time to become excited or gloat about my holiday.

other than that things are well.

and for those of u who know me, despite my whinging, secretly u know i (sort of - ie in a twisted way) enjoy it... sad but true.

the art of manipulation

2005-11-26T12:44:00.000+11:00

later on in the day of my previous post, something strange happened. my ex, K, called me to offer me a lift to work. although it sounds strange, for those who know him will probably know of his motivations. he had to drive to work and wanted to make use of the transit lane so that he wouldnt be stuck in traffic. i agreed and later told G (the new boy) about it in passing. he didnt seem to take it well. he had told me on many occasion that he doesnt deal with ex's very well, that he has been burnt before.

and just because of this little incident, he communicated that he had felt really bad about the way he has been with respect to his 'hot ex' and that he will try to rectify it in the future. so, essentially, without doing anything, i had inadvertently manipulated him into doing what i wanted - without having to seem petty, or whiny, etc. in fact, i could continue to say that 'its ok, i understand that u and 'hot ex' are friends, and i'm ok about it...' (not completely true, but not a lie either)

although this wasnt my intended result, i had realised how easy it was to manipulate him. it sounds bad i know, but he is so honest with me and puts me on such a pedestal that, it's simply quite easy. but as they say: with power comes responsibility. i will try my best to wield my power for good and not evil... or not to wield it at all.

So here's the thing...

2005-11-22T21:38:00.000+11:00

the guy that i'm seeing has a really really hot Ex who he keeps in regular contact with. i have been out with her quite a few times, and she has been completely lovely and sweet. which just makes it worse doesnt it? Hot AND nice... perfection really.

it is inevitable that the thoughts of 'why would anyone choose me (not that hot, moody and just a bit of a bitch) over her'? "He" has been consistently lovely and sensitive about it. I have said that didnt mind, and i didnt - but i had also said that i cannot guarantee that i wouldnt mind forever. i think as this thing moves along i can see myself minding more and more and becoming more and more paranoid and pyscho. well, i'm human after all - in particular, one of the female variety.

having said all of this, she really is very lovely (and i do like her - though admittedly i secretly wished that she were dumb (at least dumber than me!)), and i do trust 'him'. so in light of these more important elements, i will continue to try not to mind, to try to be logical, and not become pyscho woman over this.

out of the bag

2005-11-21T13:47:00.000+11:00

Cat's out of the bag.

we have been busted and 'everyone' knows. its a strange strange feeling... and i sense it going to be a loooong day!

but as my friend said, with these things, its a matter of 'sooner of later' isnt i it?

How do you think you're going?

2005-11-13T16:53:00.000+11:00

Is it true that men are naturally better at bragging about themselves and women tend to be more... humble? Not necessarily humble, but women seem to prefer to self deprecate in a hope to fish for compliments. So, when it comes to review time, women perhaps would tend to short sell themselves?

Must try my best to avoid this from happening to me.

This is my first 'proper' review, and it's killing me. i have vouched to do this for about 3 weekends. It's sunday and i'm no closer to getting it done.

perhaps the key from doing a good performance review is unrelated to any innate differences between men and women. perhaps its more important to get off your lazy arse and get it done!

My resolution

2005-11-07T13:41:00.000+11:00

I love our coffee guy. Its almost like he knew that what i needed this morning was coffee with chocolate dusting.

So, in light of all the good things in life, i have made a resolution to be happy. Let bygones be just that. I'm typing this as i finish off the second piece of my icecream mochi.

My happiness starts, as of now.

How was your weekend?

2005-11-07T09:37:00.000+11:00

Aside from the usual Monday anxiety, today I have an extra problem. On my train ride in this morning I suddenly felt a fear of the above question. "how was your weekend?" they all ask. The fact it is, it was shit. I'm sleep deprived and emotionally drained, tired of it all.

For the first time ever (in my 10 years of knowing my bestie A), Saturday was the first time she had seen me cry. Of course, we were at the wedding of my good friend, and tears of happiness as her husband nervously recited his vows did flow, but those are not the tears I'm referring to. Those tears of happiness is not something I'm ashamed about. In fact, my tears of frustration/anger/helplessness/sadness(?) are also not something I'm ashamed of. Perhaps I am a little - just because I couldn’t 'hold it in'. It was so uncharacteristic of me. But perhaps the cumulation of what had happened on thrusday nite and to be subjected to similar again was too much. Still, I wish I was able to be responsible and logical, to let it slide off like water on a duck's proverbial back. But perhaps that was the thing - that I was sick and tired of being responsible and logical, this overwhelming sense of "why me?" - why is it ok for me to be treated in that way. Well its not.

Unlike most others, I do not have a home sanctuary to return to. My being at home simply opens another emotionally distressing can of worms.

I wish I could answer cheerfully that my weekend was good. I wish I can write a happy blog. But I simply cannot.

unbelievable

2005-11-04T23:37:00.000+11:00

Went to oaks yesterday. this is the first year that i've ever really been to spring racing (i have been to derby once in my childhood but there were definitely no new frocks and daytime drinking involved). The day was great - the rain held off(largely bc i bought my brolly) and we spent the whole arvo drinking cheap champers and making snide bitchy comments abt skanky-16-year-old-girls outfits (or well, the boys were pretending to make snide remarks whilst perving on the said outfits and girls).

And what better way to end a lovely day than to storm off along from the bearbrass at 12am that nite. Perhaps i should explain myself. Remember Smarmy? the wanker-eque 'golden boy' at work. You know the type, one of those guys who waltzes around like he owns the place. After he got stupidly drunk (by skulling 3 or 4 long island ice teas with his bosses' best mate), i had stupidly ask him "are you ok?"

what a silly thing to do. he replied with "what is your problem?". i was shocked. But in light of my own drunkeness and i was also slightly amused and incredibly curious as to what he was going to say. I smiled, and suggested he should tell me what i problem is. "i'll tell you what i think of you..." he said, he seemed truely angry. At that point his mates came around and held him back, telling him to shut up. His mate O dragged him aside and they started to 'talk' - you know, 'man to man talk'. Another guy D suggested i should go and talk to Smarmy. D's gf (also a workmate) overheard and immediately piped "D, dont say that, are you stupid or something?". By that time i had realised that all of them (O, D and his gf J) all know exactly what Smarmy thought of me, and exactly what he was going to say.

I hate being in that kinda situation. The cliche of 'being left in the dark' when everyone else has been talking about you and knows exactly. I went up to Smarmy and O and said to Smarmy "i dont hate you, and i dont think i've been a bitch you to you. If you would like me to leave now i will. If it helps you, i will leave." Smarmy smiled and shook his head, in that "you dont get it way". His friend O said to me, not to worry and that its not about me, that smarmy has lots of 'other issues'. I told them both that he surely cannot say that he was going to 'tell me what my problem was' and then said that its not about me at all.

And then it gets weird. Smarmy lent over, and whispered in my ear "you know that if i could be with you right now, i would", he took my hand and kissed the back of it. That was then i decided i had enough and got up and left.

what a f-cker. what makes him think that he can let his 'other issues' out on me? Since my last blog incident involving smarmy i had hardly spoken 3 words to him. what makes him think that he can whisper ridiculous things in my ear. And to top things off - i have not had an apology today. Nothing, not even an email. From D and O, i have been told that he remembers nothing of last nite. surely. how lame. what a tosser.

i dont really know what to think or how to react. why do ppl think that its acceptable to take their frustrations out on me? what have i done to deserve this? surely i dont.

death of email blogger

2005-10-26T10:05:00.000+10:00

My fleeting success with email blogger had come to an abrupt end. in fact, in the whole of my blogging 'life', it had only worked once. ONCE.

in any event, it was good while it lasted.

Sickies Rock!

2005-10-22T19:55:00.000+10:00

It is a bit belated, seeing my first ever sickie was on tuesday, but please let me take this moment to get away from my masters assignment and revel in the glory of my sickie.

where do i start. firstly, i was actually a bit sick. still have the sniffles. But its amazing how much better you are when u are away from work. of course, the gloriously sunny 23 degree day was great to cure any sickness. It was just perfect, lunch with mum, brow shape at beauty parlour, purchased new phone. Plus, with my new phone i got a free bluetooth headset and... wait for it.... an ipod shuffle. Yes... just like the one on my "lemmings" list for about 2 months. yay!

unfortunately, i cant use it yet. my poor little laptop, which runs on windows 98 (or is it ME??) is not good enough for the ipod software. so, to enjoy my shuffle, i must up grade to 2000 (sp 4) or XP. i dunno what i'm going to do... i dont want to lose all the photos on my puter, plase i dont have a copy of the driver for my printer/dvd drive etc.... grrr...

anyway, sickies still rock. much better than doing assignments on the weekend at work!

Secrets

2005-10-20T19:59:00.000+10:00

Is something still a secret if you know that the person you are keeping the secret from actually knows about it. Is the fact that the other party knows that its meant to be a secret and accordingly does not confront you with you, make it a secret. simply because you dont talk about it - does that make it a secret?

Or does all this dwindling around the point simply stupid - that if u both know, then surely, it is no longer a secret?

Or perhaps things are secrets, because, its just more fun that way.

It Works!

2005-10-16T18:39:00.000+10:00

It works I think! I have mastered 'email blogger'

Yay!

Now I can put down all my depressing work moments into my blog.

Isnt it perfect?

Headache

2005-10-16T17:35:00.000+10:00

Have a splitting headache right now.

such pain.

things havnt been going 'smoothly' of late. i've spent this whole weekend looking for a dress to wear to the races to no avail. yesterday arvo was horrid - me vs the ikea furniture. Just when i thought i was seeing the light, i was confronted with the long plastic screws which were meant to fit into a piece of wood. i thought to myself "you cant be serious"... then i just gave up. Plus i still dont have internet (btw - thanks J and lyndon for the tips)... i just cant afford anything that is good and i simply cant go back to dial up.

So, that's a synosis of my newfound 'single' life. For those friends who i havnt told - i'm sorry, i simply havnt gotten around to it. and i feel fine. all of the above mishaps happen even when one is in a relationship.

i dont really have anything insightful to say today. but i just wanted to make use of this internet access to put something down. it sucks how when i actually do want to blog i cant.

perhaps as my friend says i should just stop whinging about how my car is a piece of crap and get it serviced. same with this internet conneciton thing. hmm... a pattern is emerging.

dont have anything to say. so i'll stop.

Delay

2005-10-13T16:29:00.000+10:00

Apologies for the woeful delay between blogs.

after moving house, i have yet to organise a new home internet package that i'm happy with. any suggestions much much appreciated.

just s super quick update b4 i get my arse busted for blogging at work. things are generally good - at least nothing pops immediately into my mind that i'm itching to whinge about.

must get that email blogging thing to work. i've tried and failed time and time again...

Boys are shit

2005-09-18T21:48:00.000+10:00

Boys are shit. especially the two stinky boys. they suck.

Boys are shit. Throw rocks at boys.

Masters Exam

2005-09-17T20:17:00.000+10:00

This is the masters exam weekend, so i'm obviously blogging as a means of procrastination.

Last nite, after our 'quick' dinner at teppansan, me and 3 other colluding amigos stood on the corner of Russell and Lt Bourke Streets watching this one guy continually cross the road. Quite literally - just back and forth. This skinny blonde guy with a very colourful strippy scarf just crossing the road again and again. Sometimes he would stop in the middle of his cross and go back. And he did it in such a comical way that you couldnt help but laugh.

And then i had a thought, what if he wasnt 'audistic' or even weird... perhaps there is a rationale explanation for his behaviour which wasnt so funny? Maybe he has at crossroads ('cuse the pun) in his life. Maybe he had a really important appointment at the other side of the road, and he just couldnt decide whether or not he should go? All the possibilities.

as ur life flashes before your eyes...

2005-09-15T14:44:00.000+10:00

this week my mood has been erratic to say the least. Perhaps my good friend B's departure from work, my general demotivation, us moving house - its all proved too much. And for any of you who have moved, u will no doubt understand what a pain in the butt it is.

So today, instead of studying on my 'study leave day' - i have to pack my stuff up. By 'pack stuff' i really actually mean dispose of parts of the life which are largely redundant. It amazes me that for some reason i had though that old mickey mouse pencil cases full of half broken colouring pencils should be kept, as were my non-complete set of jurassic park swap cards. As i threw it out, i couldnt help but think that one day they may be worth something - either on ebay, or to myself. What i did keep (bc i do think it may be worth something one day) was an arthur andersen promotional puzzle which says "its the people you work with that really make the difference". Perhaps i can bring it out when one day they have a reunion?

And then i got to my box of memorabilia - ticket stubs to places i've been, bday cards and letters which dear friends of the past. its strange to have so much of ur past life flash before you eyes. to be reminded of days when what mattered was how cute the paper we wrote those little letters were, or the new and ingenius way it was folded, or how messy our handwriting was. when there was daily communication with highschool friends about the most mundane topics, when that little crush on that guy was so important (well, not that much has changed!) and when we all made so much effort to write something special in those xmas cards - and how we all meant it.

And of course, the ex-bf memorabilia - to remember what it was like when they said that they liked you too and how happy it made you feel and how geniune that smile shining out of those photos are. And of course, how it all came tumbling down. The strange thing was, i found a sealed envelope which had a maroon ribbon tied around it. the ribbon, i immediately recalled was from a bunch of flowers which my first 'proper' bf gave me, and in the envelope where the remenants of what and who we were. whilst i felt that it wasn the time to open it yet, its kinda nice to be reminded of the time that has passed.

a rather fitting reminder of what my life was and how deep inside, i'm still largely the same person. despte the changes and the complications, these happy memories and relationships bw friends and lovers still exist. and the most important thing is that such happy memories are still continually been built up.

Addiction

2005-09-15T01:14:00.000+10:00

For those of you who know me, you would no doubt be aware of my little substance abuse problem - lip balm! and not just any old lipbalm , it has to be Metholatum Co's Lip Ice. i Buy it in bulk from HK and probably go through about 1 tube per month (and i lose about 1 every 6 weeks - so it can become an expensive habit). Fed up with my constant lip smacking, my colleague and ex buddy M loudly declared that i was addicted and should join lip balm anonymous or something. After a bit of a google - low and behold: Lip Balm anonymous

According to an internet article:

Lip Balm Anonymous, the largest and most influential anti-lip balm web site in the world (and possibly the only), has generated an almost cult following. They receive over 100 hits-per-day. That's a lot of hits for a web site about lip balm addiction.

"Our primary purpose is to stay free from lip balm and to help others achieve the same freedom," the Lip Balm Anonymous home page reads.

But i can tell you all this, one little stupid website will not stop me. i DONT have a problem... i can stop at any time... any time i want...

Bombshells, Lifts and Paranoia

2005-09-13T21:18:00.000+10:00

My dear friend B has finally droped the bombshell - that after a mere 6 months of full time work, she has jumped ship and is taking up a better offer with a competitor. Whilst i had the fortune of gradually getting used to the idea that the naughty corner will be one less naughty, and "3 musketeers" can no longer sing 'eternal flame' at the alcohol-induced-top-our-lung, it none the less comes as a shock. or at least, a moment where it all crystalises into reality. There were a few more tears which B shouldnt have cried, but when has the fact that we are at work ever stopped B? - it certainly doesnt stop her now. So that's it, tmr is her last day.

Eitherway, i'm happy for her. its a big choice, but its a good one for her now. its a brave choice and i'm proud of her for taking it.

So today, perhaps influenced by her annoucement, perhaps just out of my erratic nature and self-centred perspective -"I" (read: me me me) felt really shitty. For one, i felt rather unproductive at work, and highly uninspired and distracted. unable to finish anything which made it all worse. then, i did something really embarrassing which i hate myself for. (embarrassment is one of those things for me - i have memories from grade 2 of horendously embarrassing moments which i still occasionally relive...)

So, today, i sent a mass email out to say that i have a card for B's leaving and for those not on my floor, please come to my desk to sign it. Smarmy (u may recall him from a previous post) replied and CC-ed in J, a golden girl analyst saying "why dont YOU come to MY desk". for some reason, i thought it was a joke and i replied (also CC-ing J) "yes, S, i'ld love to come to your desk - i even made B resign so i could visit". Now why the hell did i do that?? i must be some weirdo. I guess looking at it now, it doesnt seem that bad, but it particularly is bc i know J has been spreading rumours abt me and S - the thought of which makes me cringe in disgust.

Then later in the arvo, J emailed me saying "S and I will come over tmr morning to sign the card, please make sure it's at ur desk cos we dont have time to ride in lifts all day". ouch. wat a biatch. i hate to think that abt her, cos its so out of character. i think i'm assuming the worst? perhaps its by her associations with S and what i heard she was saying abt me? i dunno, although she is a golden girl and highly ammbitious (an a bit of a suck) - its not in her character to be a bitch. surely?

Anyway, i cant beleive i'm posting this incredibly petty thing here. i will certainly regret it while i regain composure (haha!) or at least stop being in this stupid mood. or perhaps paranoia about work related things is an incurable disease?

Desperate Plea

2005-09-11T22:15:00.000+10:00

Dear Friends,

I need an improved social life. Please take me out.

Your assistance will be met with much gratitude.

Kindest regards,
R

New Lemming

2005-09-10T18:25:00.000+10:00

My friend who just received her pink ipod mini sent me this link. she is obviously killing herself for having bought the mini at exactly the wrong time. So, meet my new lemming:

The Ipod Nano

Try this

2005-09-08T22:43:00.000+10:00

open a new word document, type in "= rand (20,99)", press enter.

aparantly even the microsoft ppl doesnt know why it happens.

PS> dont worry, it wont crash your computer or anything.

Disclaimer: i swear i'm not a geeky tech-y engineer type person! i was, however, informed of this by my friend - my link to the geeky techy engineering world. :-)

Stolen lunch at a top tier firm

2005-09-07T22:56:00.000+10:00

This is a true story. I'm proud to say that i was a happy recipient of this delightfully entertaining spoof on Friday morning of last week.

Enjoy (see also Addenda at the bottom)

-----Original Message-----
From: Nugent, Katrina
Sent: Thursday, 1 September 2005 9:39 AM
To: sydflr19A - Senior Associates; sydflr19L - Lawyers; sydflr19S - Support Staff
Subject: My lunch...

Yesterday I put my lunch in the fridge on Level 19 which included a packet of ham, some cheese slices and two slices of bread which was going to be for my lunch today.

Over night it has gone missing and as I have no spare money to buy another lunch today, I would appreciate being reimbursed for it.

Katrina Nugent
ext 4739/4434

-----Original Message-----
From: Bird, Melinda
Sent: Thursday, 1 September 2005 9:55 AM
To: sydflr19A - Senior Associates; sydflr19L - Lawyers; sydflr19S - Support Staff
Subject: RE: My lunch...
Katrina

There are items fitting your exact description in the level 20 fridge. Are you sure you didn't place your lunch in the wrong fridge yesterday?

Regards
Melinda
x4142

-----Original Message-----
From: Nugent, Katrina
Sent: Thursday, 1 September 2005 10:06 AM
To: Bird, Melinda
Subject:
Melinda

Probably best you don't reply to all next time, would be annoyed to the lawyers.

The kitchen was not doing dinner last night, so obviously someone has helped themselves to my lunch.

Really sweet of you to investigate for me!

Katrina Nugent
ext 4739

-----Original Message-----
From: Bird, Melinda
Sent: Thursday, 1 September 2005 10:14 AM
To: Nugent, Katrina
Subject: RE:
Katrina

Since I used to be a float and am still on the level 19 email list I couldn't help but receive your ridiculous email - lucky me!

You use our kitchen all the time for some unknown reason and I saw the items you mentioned in the fridge so naturally thought you may have placed them in the wrong fridge.

Thanks I know I'm sweet and I only had your best interests at heart. Now as you would say, "BYE"!

Regards
Melinda

-----Original Message-----
From: Nugent, Katrina
Sent: Thursday, 1 September 2005 10:15 AM
To: Bird, Melinda
Subject: RE:

I'm not blonde!!!

-----Original Message-----
From: Bird, Melinda
Sent: Thursday, 1 September 2005 10:16 AM
To: Nugent, Katrina
Subject: RE:
Being a brunette doesn't mean you're smart though!

-----Original Message-----
From: Nugent, Katrina
Sent: Thursday, 1 September 2005 10:17 AM
To: Bird, Melinda
Subject: RE:

I definitely wouldn't trade places with you for "the world"!

-----Original Message-----
From: Bird, Melinda
Sent: Thursday, 1 September 2005 10:19 AM
To: Nugent, Katrina
Subject: RE:
I wouldn't trade places with you for the world...I don't want your figure!

-----Original Message-----
From: Nugent, Katrina
Sent: Thursday, 1 September 2005 10:21 AM
To: Bird, Melinda
Subject: RE:
Let's not get person "Miss Can't Keep A Boyfriend".

I am in a happy relationship, have a beautiful apartment, brand new car, high pay job...say no more!!

-----Original Message-----
From: Bird, Melinda
Sent: Thursday, 1 September 2005 10:23 AM
To: Nugent, Katrina
Subject: RE:
Oh my God I'm laughing! happy relationship (you have been with so many guys - yep really happy relationship with Gav BACKHOUSE), beautiful apartment (so what), brand new car (me too), high pay job (I earn more)....say plenty more.....I have 5 guys at the moment! haha.

~~~ADDENDUM~~~~
Gavin Backhouse is her cousin, they have slept together, and he is the IT manager at Allens in Sydney. Both the PAs in question are now looking for new jobs. Allens tried to fire the person who leaked this email out, but found that there were 79 of the them in total.

the story has since been leaked to the press and an article was printed today in "full Disclosure".

a little bit of fun for an otherwise dull day.

frustration

2005-09-07T22:50:00.000+10:00

i've been really grumpy of late. potentially pms, but i'ld prefer to blame it on something else. recently, i've found a pattern emerging - that my grumpiness and discontent with life is directly proportion to the percentage of work that i do for a particular manager.

to be diplomatic, i think we just have really different styles of working, and hence it makes it very difficult for me (as a newbie) to adapt to her style. to be more blunt, i think she's kinda crap as a manager and isnt technically good enough therefore making her difficult to work with. (harsh i know - but its my blog and i can say what i want right?).

the worst thing about all of this is she actually is really nice and i like her as a person. the dilemmas!

Frightening Stuff

2005-08-30T21:15:00.000+10:00

My friend from the uni days forwarded me the following. An appropriate note in light of recent activities i say:

Girls Nite Out

1. I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHERE MY PURSE IS.

2. I BELIEVE THAT DANCING WITH MY ARMS OVERHEAD AND WIGGLING MY BUTT WHILE YELLING "WOO-HOO!" IS TRULY THE SEXIEST DANCE MOVE AROUND.

3. I'VE SUDDENLY DECIDED I WANT TO KICK SOMEONE'S ASS AND HONESTLY BELIEVE I COULD DO IT TOO.

4. IN MY LAST TRIP TO PEE, I REALIZE I NOW LOOK MORE LIKE A
HOMELESS HOOKER THAN THE GODDESS I WAS JUST FOUR HOURS AGO.

5. I DROP MY 3:00 A.M. SUBMARINE SANDWICH ON THE FLOOR (WHICH I'M
EATING EVEN THOUGH I'M NOT THE LEAST BIT HUNGRY), PICK IT UP AND CARRY ON EATING IT.

6. I START CRYING AND TELLING EVERYONE I SEE THAT I LOVE THEM
SOOOOO MUCH.

7. I GET EXTREMELY EXCITED AND JUMP UP AND DOWN EVERY TIME A NEW SONG
PLAYS BECAUSE "OH MY GOD! I LOVE THIS SONG!"

8. I'VE FOUND A DEEPER/SPIRITUAL SIDE TO THE GEEK SITTING NEXT TO ME.

9. THE MAN I'M FLIRTING WITH USED TO BE MY 5TH GRADE TEACHER.

10. THE URGE TO TAKE OFF ARTICLES OF CLOTHING, STAND ON A TABLE
AND SING OR DANCE BECOMES STRANGELY OVERWHELMING.

11. MY EYES JUST DON'T SEEM TO WANT TO STAY OPEN ON THEIR OWN SO I
KEEP THEM HALF CLOSED AND THINK IT LOOKS EXOTICALLY SEXY.

12. I'VE SUDDENLY TAKEN UP SMOKING AND BECOME REALLY GOOD AT IT.

13. I YELL AT THE BARTENDER, WHO (I THINK) CHEATED ME BY GIVING ME
JUST LEMONADE, BUT THAT'S JUST BECAUSE I CAN NO LONGER TASTE THE GIN.

14. I THINK I'M IN BED, BUT MY PILLOW FEELS STRANGELY LIKE THE KITCHEN FLOOR

15. I START EVERY CONVERSATION WITH A BOOMING, "DON'T TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY BUT..."

16. I FAIL TO NOTICE THAT THE TOILET LID'S DOWN WHEN I SIT ON IT.

17. MY HUGS BEGIN TO RESEMBLE WRESTLING TAKE-DOWN MOVES.

18. I'M TIRED SO I JUST SIT ON THE FLOOR (WHEREVER I HAPPEN TO BE
STANDING) AND TAKE A QUICK NAP.

19. I BEGIN LEAVING THE BUTTONS OPEN ON MY BUTTON FLY PANTS TO
CUTDOWN ON THE TIME I'M IN THE BATHROOM AWAY FROM MY DRINK.

20. I TAKE MY SHOES OFF BECAUSE I BELIEVE IT'S THEIR FAULT THAT I'M
HAVING PROBLEMS WALKING STRAIGHT.

pictures

2005-08-30T20:42:00.000+10:00

just a short note - i was going to post some pics from the work ball i went to on sat nite, but i simply could not find any pics of me which look 'nice'.

i really have to work out more...

Smarmy

2005-08-28T16:29:00.000+10:00

I think i'm getting too old for this staying out til 6am business. Cant say i'm feeling or looking too crash hot atm - am dreading the idea of having to pull through another week of work tmr. perhaps a sickie is (finallY) in order.

As expected, i drank and subsequently tried to flirt with various people at work, had a bit of a dance, and made some awfully bitchy remarks. the drinking and flirting and embarrassing dancing was one thing, but being known as a BIG old bitch, that's another. Fortunately, most of these comments were made in the early hours of the evening at the supper club. Regardless of venue and audience, perhaps i shouldnt have made those comments about a certain person's dress/hotness. i know it makes me seem vain (which i am), and bitchy (which i also am), but somehow, i simply couldnt help it.

Conversation was particularly strange with S, a 'golden child analyst' at work who i've always felt uneasy about. S is one of those really confident guys who tries his best to patrionise the crap out of anyone (in his peer of course), but yet still somehow maintains a suave demeanour which i'm almost tempted to label as 'charming'. My friend B describes this guy as "smarmy" (and if u know him, u would agree that it's a perfect description) and well, generally, this is just one shifty dude. As the girls of the group began a bitch session on the outfit of a particular analyst (J), someone asked the boys whether they thought she was hot. The boys, all gave their diplomatic answers, and i as i prompted S that it's his turn to share his thoughts, he turned to me and said "well, she's hotter than you".

Harsh harsh man. For the next 5 mins, i tried my best to retaliate (i think i did a decent job and came up with a few gems but deep down i knew it wasnt good enough - that comment killed me and it was obvious). And as the general air "i'm never going to forgive u" clouded the room, S stood up and annouced that he will redeem himself. An impossible feat i had thought. Those were some harsh words that he uttered, and was not planning to settle easily. As he walked by behind my chair, he whispered in my ear "but you are much much hotter than L".

By way of background, L is a chick who we all know i think is hot - super hot, much hotter than J hot - Though we also have established that L has a little bit of an attitude. And in light of this, i couldnt help but concede defeat. He had said the one perfect thing to bounce back into my good books - no questions. And despite my views on this person, i couldnt help but drop my hat to that move. i felt like he had read me like an open book - that he knew exactly what ticked me off, and incidently back on again. it was a miracle. As an aquarian, i hate the thought of being read/figured-out, that i was simply like any normal chick and that i would act and react in predictable ways. And yet, i had to be fair. he really got me on that one.

AFter the peripheral people left, we moved back into the main room of supper club with the normal 'drinking grad crew' + Smarmy. As we lounged around on the couches talking general crap, i could have sworn in my drunken haze that he was flrting with me: the sharing of cigarettes, the slightly secretive discussions, the accusation that i should be 'with my bf instead of being there trying to pick him up', and mentioning his place in east st kilda. Despite the evil power he wields, i really wasnt interested (very very gentle flirting mainly based on intrigue and the fact that he was half-decent looking, but for those of u who know me, i have a rather heightist discrimatory policy and last nite i was wearing super killer heels). But i couldnt help but feel that he was playing me in his own little way - perhaps simply for amusement. Almost doing it to test the level of power he can assert simply by being presumptive and confident. u get the feeling that this guy tends to get his way. There are other more complicated causes of his behaviour which i suspect, but those would require further 'spilling of guts' which is, (atm at least) beyond the scope of this blog.

All in all, i do find Smarmy intriguing. previously i had just written him off as just another asshole, a cocky confident kinda guy who just 'smarms' and bullshits the way to what he wants. a guy i had avoided religously simply becuase i hate 'guys like that'. but perhaps there is more? or perhaps i've done the unthinkable and have been fooled by his smarmy ways? either way, i felt that i have learnt something about myself. Its funny how there are guys who are nice (but not too nice) - those who say the right things at the right times, who tell you that they cant 'figure you out', that you have layers and complications, that there is something inside which you wont let out (all things that i, love hearing bc i love to think that i'm exactly that). those nice (but not too nice) guys are great - excellent ego builders. But its nothing compared to the asshole who seems to know that you are simply plain-jane, and can just make you feel that way on command.

All girls know that chicks will always find the bad guy more interesting - but nothing like a good old real life example to drive the theory home.

note: apologise for the long and incoherent blog. without the context of my mundane little existence and the matrix of relations bw the various characters - the above probabaly doesnt mean a whole lot. So i guess the above is simply for me. just for my sake of taking that step of admitting something about myself which i find so hard to do.

bad mood

2005-08-22T22:49:00.000+10:00

i hate it when i get in a bad mood. and i know that its merely that: a mood. Something completely unjustified. but yet something that is incredibly real.

i wish i could not be so grumpy. to not think and act the way i do. to be more diplomatic and easy going, and to not say or act in rash ways. i wish i could just be alone and not have to subject the ppl around me to my moody ways - but i know that it wont just go away. i know that if i were alone i would feel worse. i know that i'm craving attention, someone to say exactly the right things, someone who will not irritate me and to cheer me up. but there is noone. or maybe there is, but my bad mood just wont let them in anyway.

i'm sensing that its PMs? i hope it's not (have places to go next weekend)

Either way, i hope that goes away, for my sake, and everyone elses.

I think i'm falling in love.

2005-08-20T19:09:00.000+10:00

I have this friend, T, and i think i mite be falling in love with her.

No - i'm not giving lesbianism 'a go' (i'm not really in that teenage sexual experimental phase), but perhaps if i were a lesbian, i'ld go for T.

She's just the perfect chick.

- She's hot (hot enough so that guys/lesbians would want her, but not so hot that it makes her chickfriends uncomfortable/jealous);

- great to talk too (can talk abt anything to anyone: fashion and gossip, law, music, cinema, books, tv, food/restaurants, travel, general bullshit - and would never patrionise but make u feel dumb for not knowing something),

- very easy going;

- very very nice (but not so nice as to have no personality - she's great for a bitching session);

- and has a great sense of humour.

I mean what's not to love? (for the Boys, please dont ask me for her number - she's taken). How can one person be so perfect? Is it just that stage of our friendship where i simply have yet to discover her 'dark side'? or maybe it's not that she is perfect that just that we are very compatible as friends? or maybe i love her bc she has cute friends who thinks i'm hot (hehe...)

i must sound like a weirdo - but trust me, she is an awesome chick.

the truth

2005-08-14T03:35:00.000+10:00

Instead of whinging about the fact that this whole weekend will be spent doing my masters assignment and that i had just returned at this ungodly hour NOT from a nite out, but from working on assignment, i've decided to tell the truth.

The sad truth is that i actually quite enjoyed my predicament. Its nice feeling like a student again. The assignment, whilst challenging,is not impossible and its nice to know that you are doing something which can be accomplished. Afterall, it has been 5 years of uni life. And most of all, i think i enjoy feeling motivated, and that i am doing something productive - an acheivement i suppose. And of course, i enjoyed 'studying' in the company of my fellow grads. taking breaks, eating junk, drinking red-bull, procrastinating, and devising 'office olympic sports'.

Not sure how long these nice feelings will last. i suspect they'll end when i wake up tmr, realisng that i'll have to do it all again.

vanity

2005-08-07T23:26:00.000+10:00

i must be the most vain person on the planet.

i wore make up to go into work to study my assignment. my friend, who i thought would be equally vain, turned up looking... (i was going to say 'like shit')... well, a little unlike his usual self. Of course, he is a boy - so perhaps its different.

My excuse - i went shopping in the morning, u have to look nice shopping: it adds to the chance of success.

Death by Krispy Kreme

2005-08-04T21:10:00.000+10:00

A manager returned from her holiday and on her SYdney stopover bought us back some Krispy Kreme donuts. For those of you more fortunately ones, KKs around here (ie Melbourne) are quite a novelty. We are afterall, one grey cold KK deprived city.

instead of the original glazed ones, my manager bought a box of 'assorted ones'. A curious thing which i noticed today was that the nutritional (or there lack of) panel was actually on the bottom of the box. I guess the idea is not to think about the repercussions, scoff like a pig, and then learn of and repent ones' sins later. Unfortunately, with our ever increasingly creative use of the office equipment, it occured to us that we can actually photocopy the bottom of the box whilst the donuts are still inside. So, we had our cake (or KK) and 'read' it too!

Not a good idea. the worse i felt about it, the more KK i needed inside me to make me 'feel better'. Vicious cycle.

Anyway, i feel rather sick at the moment. hope i can still fit into my jeans. its jeans for genes day tmr after all.

Just one of those days

2005-08-01T20:38:00.000+10:00

Its another one of those "i want to quit my job" mondays. And i've only worked full time for about 5 months. It was a busy busy busy day (yes i had to say it three times) and i still managed to attend a lunch time seminar for young practicioners (or as my friend suggested - young malpracticioners).

The seminar was at a rival firm in their brand spanking new office. It amazes me how their new office somehow looks so much "newer" than our new office. Plus, there is definitely a substantial dose of "mine's bigger than yours sydrome". Of course, the partner who was presenting never failed to mention the brand new too-high-tech-for-mere-mortals technology - though i have to admit that the wireless whiteboard which allows whatever is written on it to be captured in real time on the computer screen is pretty snazzy, it even recognises the use of different coloured markers.

The presenter continually dwelled on how this technology allows a whole different style of presentation compared with the now ubiquitous powerpoint. Perhaps nobody had pointed out to him that really his 'new style of presentation' is just the same as my grade 5 teacher writing on an overhead projector slide - those pick up the different coloured markers too. i could imagine about 10 years ago some other presenter at another firm would have blabbed on about powerpoint as the new way of presenting things.

But all things aside, the views, the grandeur of the lifts, the snazzy security gates, the too-cool-for-school whiteboards are all unimportant really. They dont make me want to jump ship and go crawling back to the position i rejected from them.

But man - those lunch sandwiches were good. Maybe i should have a dig around for my letter of offer again...

Mortified

2005-07-31T18:05:00.000+10:00

Was at a "dinner party" last night with some friends from work. We had eaten the delicious korean food my friend prepared to our heart's content, and the lull in the conversation signaled the need to enter into the 'other room' for tea and dessert.

I sat up slightly from my chair to adjust my skirt, and as i sat down again, the fat bits on my thighs (hereafter referred to as 'thigh-fat') kinda squished together, compressing a bubble of air. Now that was all fine - except for the fact that it made a 'fart' sound.

Hence the title of this blog. I was mortified.

And i know that this group of 'friends' will NEVER let me live it down. During the rest of the night, i was the subject of a whole galaxy of flatulence jokes and i anticipate that there are plenty more to come. In fact, I feel that this is something that is going to come up at my wedding, and quite possibly my funeral (but i do presume that some of these ppl will die b4 me.. haha...)

I told an old friend of the incident over lunch today and explained how i was completely embarrassed. He kinda chuckled at me (supressing bursts of laughther no doubt) and told me that last week he went to have parmas with his workmates and that he was the only person not to finish the parma. Somehow, i think my story kicks his arse in the embarrassment stakes.

So please, to those of you reading this and feeling my pain. Please share your embarrassing stories. :-)

Many thanks in advance.

Token

2005-07-30T15:51:00.000+10:00

This is my token weekend blog. I dont really have anything to say right now. During the week i remember having several brain-waves but the thought of staring at the computer screen after work was too much to bare.

So here i am, on a relaxed sat arvo (not hungover!! horray!) with nothing much to say.

Perhaps i should just make a list of things - for the sake of it:

1. On Tuesday nite (i think) i had a dream. I was going off to uni carrying one of those rediculously heavy law text books (u know- those butterworths ones), when i suddenly realised that i had already graduated. Elated by my discovery, i thought that maybe i should just discard the text book and go shopping. However, my happiness didnt last long - someone told me in the dream that i had to go to work, but i was also actually still at uni.

Then i woke up. And i realised that my nightmare was a reality. Our masters classes started yesterday.

2. Had a group bonding session yesterday. Bowling from 3pm followed by drinking til eternity. My favourite manager A, and favorite senior M got completely drunk. A's husband, D, joined us for drinks. D's friend thought i was hot. hahaha...

3. B is inviting us over for a civilised dinner party tonite. very exciting stuff. Am very pleased that i bought her favourite white wine at a nice discount.

4. Cant believe i still havnt seen Sin City. Will do tmr though.

5. Read Sevenchild's comment on my last blog. Am very happy to hear from her. very happy.

6. Sent off my dear little W last nite. Hope she has a wonderful time in Europe/UK and find whatevery she feels is missing in her life.

7. Had a bit of a shop today - probably explains my new positive outlook. Am very please.

Moody

2005-07-23T22:01:00.000+10:00

This weekend (so far) i've felt that i havnt been able to control my mood. Perhaps that may sound strange, but i've always felt that i'm one of those people who are (reasonably) in control of their feelings.

My friends noticed that last nite i was 'down' or 'sad' about something. Whilst i came up with a superficial reason, they told me that it was something more. I m not really sure whether i was actually 'sad' about something or what i was 'sad' about. I did remember being quite happy at one stage but i couldnt pin point what changed things around.

Perhaps i'm 'sad' because at this point, i genuinnely dont know what i want and i've realised i cant live in limbo for much longer. Maybe its bc my bestie is overseas and i dont have anybody who is non-judgement and "knows" me to talk to. Maybe i need her here to tell me what i'm feeling... in that incredibly perceptive way that only she can.

In the meantime, i think i'll continue to sift through old music in search for that perfect moody song to listen to over and over again.

Lost and Found

2005-07-19T22:03:00.000+10:00

Newton's third law states that every action has an equal and opposite reaction. When applying this to life, perhaps it all boils down to the concept of karma. The theory of cause and effect, of 'what comes around goes around'.

To my friend who lost his watch, i'm sincerely sympathetic. And as for me, i wait patiently for what the karma beast has install.

12 degrees

2005-07-17T17:23:00.000+10:00

It's 12 degrees today, and i can definitely feel it. I've been at home for most of this weekend. I guess that it kinda suits my present mood.

Sometimes you need to just curl up on the couch in the dark watching hours upon hours of bad television. today i felt my brain go numb. That was promptly followed by the realisation that television simply does nothing for you. You dont learn anything, and it doesnt provoke any thought whatsoever. And after that brief moment of realisation, i continued to watch it some more.

i read in a book once that colder cities tend to be the perfect brewing ground for culture and the intellectual. the cold weather, it was claimed, was conducive of being indoors and, well, thinking. I guess i theory is that the 'thinking' would somehow lead to great ideas. The book must be talking about a time before television was invented.

1068

2005-07-16T17:08:00.000+10:00

Today has been weird. THis morning the sun came out. It was really quite beautiful - as if it were spring or summer or something ludicrously lovely like that. For some strange reason, as i looked out the window my reaction was "what's up with the sun?". in a strange and disaproving tone.

And then, the sun went away. And it rained... and rained. And the day became an ordinary Melbourne winters day. As if the sun had never come out in the first place. In fact, for those people who slept in (and i suspect that would be many of you reading this), they wouldnt have even suspected that the morning was, what it was.

Somehow, i feel quite puzzled.

05 Drinking Grads

2005-07-09T14:18:00.000+10:00

It appears that this blog has become (yet another) one of those which tediously relay stories of drunkeness... perhaps unfortunately my life has resolved to this.

Last nite, we made another addition to the team. Mr Kelv B. You may recall that Kelv also featured in a previous post as the 'legend'. And indeed he is. This is despite the fact he got shitfaced a little too early on and started throwing up in an alley way... we cant hang shit on him, cos we do still owe him one. His legendary status remains unchanged. Plus there is a possibility that we can revisit the spa.

Whilst the drinking and the resultant drunken conversations (etc) is a great opportunity to 'get to know' ur workmates a bit more - when/where is the line? Do we spend TOO much time together? Is the line when you get so drunk at 10.30pm that you think its a good idea to have a few more b4 meeting your other friends? Or is that line when after those 'few more' you get so drunk at 12.30pm that you cant get to your ''other friends' and have to be driven home by the designated driver (who herself has had a fair few)?

which ever - but i think that line is definitely when you wake up the next day to find out that ur best friend is pissed off with you for ditching her. and that her nite perhaps wasnt as great as it could/should have been. and that you realise that it is your fault.

Touchy Feel-y Stuff

2005-07-03T18:05:00.000+10:00

My friday horoscope advised me this week to be less wary of the 'touchy-feely stuff', to get right into it and banish my cynical self for a moment.

In a bizarre way, it kinda came true. This w/end was full of 'relationship' talk. On Sat i went to see the Dutch Masters exhibition with an old friend who, as she put it herself, has just had her heart ripped open. For 3 months, she had lived with an overshadowed sadness - a sick feeling that she couldnt face the day. Of course, i was initially cynical, and perhaps inwardly i still am. I still beleive that no-one and nothing is really that important in life, that all pain will eventually go away. But something about her, perhaps it was they calm and factual way she relayed her pain, made me see if from her side.

Regardless of what i think, i geniunnely wish her the best. That the promised moment of 'getting over someone' comes to her swiftly and painlessly.

Today, i had lunch w some chick friends, and its kinda weird to see how all long term relationships kinda end up the same. The same problems arise, and the same urges and discontent surfaces inevitably. And eventually, my conclusion is this: that if its all the same, then maybe my relationship "isnt that bad", and that its worth sticking it out.

So, as an aside to my conclusion - perhaps i should practice the immorality that i preach? Perhaps i will just risk being found out and regretting that... isnt the "bad" thing always the easier option?

At least the immoral option is the one which will make me happier - temporarily.

bad grads... bad grads...

2005-07-02T11:32:00.000+10:00

Incestuous debauchery...

very very bad grads... i think we need the super nanny.

Positive

2005-06-21T20:42:00.000+10:00

Back into the working week now, but for some reason, i dont really feel like getting into things right now. Surfice to say, that i'm feeling reasonably 'normal' and happy.

Receive my Red Cross Blood Donor card in the mail. Unfortunately, i'm my 'least desired' blood type - O! I was really hoping i'll be AB positive with extra weird-arse stuff which makes me some kind of super universal receiver. i think i'll take comfort to know that i'm the 'skanky ho' of blood types such that i can receive anything should the need arise.

Anyway, at least i'm "positive".

Legend

2005-06-19T16:56:00.000+10:00

This post is dedicated to my friend Kelvin. A complete legend.

We (ie the tax graduates of 2005) just had the best weekend away at Sorrento thanks the immense generousity of Kelvin (and his Mum), and bc Kelv and his gf N were such incredibly awesome host(ess).

The place was simply spectacular. As we drove up the street of mansions, little did we know that we would be staying at the biggest and the best. The architecture and furnishing were stylish and MOdern (just as you expect Kelv's place to be really), and...well, the place rents for $5000 per week which says something.

My manager at work was speculating that this was going to be some sort of 'mass orgy' weekend... and well, while the place was a good as the big brother house, i'm proud to say there was no nudity. There was, however, a spa and sauna. And boy did i LOVE the spa and sauna.

So, as we drank from the "Bin of Happiness" (previously known as "the evil alex"), the conversations flowed well into the night, and the objective of "getting to know each other" was fulfilled.

As with any weekend, there were some drunken incidents, "dont go there's", and of course, a really really BAD country night club.

Definitely 10 out of 10.

Sudoku

2005-06-13T16:18:00.000+10:00

Absolutely addicted!

Download a free trial at sudoku.com and give it a go!

A nice way to spend a cold lazy Queens Birthday. Such a geek arnt i?

Other people's relationships.

2005-06-09T22:05:00.000+10:00

Got some insight (or at least flashes of 'insight') into two other couple's relationships today. L has some... i suppose, 'committment' issues... but not quite in the same sense that i have. Her bf K is obsessed with her... doesnt let her go out with other 'male' friends, and goes to the extent of checking her phone bill and calling up the numbers to see who she has been calling. As a result, L, who enjoys the company of these 'male friends', lies to K about it.

I dont really understand it, but they again, it doesnt matter that i dont understand.

Then there is A (from work) and her hubby D. They are a young professional couple, who recently got married. They appear just like friends really... with a sweet spark. They remind me of how K and i used to be... well, perhaps still are (?) Dispite their 'married bliss', it was interesting that A told me last week that they actually broke for 3 months the year before they got engaged. That she had wanted to be alone for a bit, and live a free single life (sound familiar?), then after 3 months, she realised that free single life sucked, and was glad that D was still around to love her.

I dunno, makes you think about your own relationship doesnt it? It made me think about mine...

Similar yet Different

2005-06-07T22:29:00.000+10:00

I had this thought the other which basically crystalises into a theory. The theory is this: That every thought and feeling that you would have experienced, someone else would have experienced that exact same thing previously. It doesnt mean that what happens to them is exactly the same (though it may also be true), but just the way it affects you would be the same as the way it affected them.

In this sense, we are all living each other's lives. Nothing we experience is really that special or unique.

Perhaps this theory sounds rather negative. A dint to one's ego, a realisation that one is not so special? I see it as a positive - that we should take life and ourselves a little lighter sometimes. Things are not all that bad... and if they are, then there are others to suffer with us.

Google This.

2005-06-01T21:45:00.000+10:00

Ever wondered what is "the answer to life, the universe and everything"*?

Try asking google.

* in order to get this, you should read Douglas Adam's Hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy or at least seen the movie. In fact, according to sources, you have to read it to get about 50% of the inside jokes on the vast space of the internet.

Happy New Year!

2005-05-31T21:28:00.000+10:00

Well, for tmr anyway. Tmr is the start of the financial year for my firm, which means that starting tmr, the work i do will be "important" and the hours i put in will be reflected on my performance appraisal. So, today, also known as, "the last day of life as i know it", should have been somewhat special?

I guess in its own little way it was. Had lunch at this really nice (though dodgy looking) thai place. And as i waited toget my friend some extra peices of lime, i saw this asian guy in a suit standing there waiting for his order. Even out of my peripheral vision i recognised who he was. To my surprise, he turned around, and i kinda smiled (just a small polite one), and in return, he shot off a rather cute smile. Or perhaps more accurately the "hey i know you, how's things going mate" type of smile.

I think we both realised afterwards that we didnt know each other. In fact, he was the guy on the train who i kinda thought was cute and used to "observe" in the morning on my way to uni. Back in those days, i recognised him as "the guy who is a bit of a loner at uni and would sit alone in most lectures wearing a funny sort of cap". I remember thinking that he had really good skin, and that he looked much nicer and less threatening in a suit and glasses. And i have to say, the smile he had today was quite a lovely and warm one.

So, thats it, highlight of the day. Sad i know. But maybe next time, i'll actually talk to him and ask him where he works. If there is a next time.

Warning: boring post ahead.

2005-05-29T17:05:00.000+10:00

Isnt it weird the way some people just drop out of your life? All that's left are a few photos of drunken nights, vague memories of those nights, and even more vague conversations had during those nights, and perhaps, on the very odd occasion, something that stuck in your mind. I suppose there is also that little phone number, stored in your mobile. It lies there, dormant, giving a false sense of possibility that at any time you can call them and bring them back into your life.

Reality is, that rarely ever happens.

People just drop out, the way they dropped in. WIthout warning... or well, perhaps in some cases, with just a mere 'wop'.

A few good deeds

2005-05-28T16:42:00.000+10:00

Despite my ever increasing suspicion that as i approach my 'quarter-life', that said life is becoming more and more degenerate, this week, i participated in several activities that, if i dare say so myself, were quite meaningful.

The first of which happened on Wednesday, when i was involved in a Red Cross Blood drive organised through my work. This was the first time I had given blood, which inexplicably means that the whole experience was accompanied by a huge dose of anxiety. I'm not going to say that the actual "blood giving" part was painless - there was definitely some discomfort, which, i suspect, was predominately caused by my nerves which made my quite tense and by the fact that you cant really move ur arm for the 10mins or so. But whatever discomfort ended promptly after, and on reflection, the benefits definitely far outweighs it. The benefits (IMO) include:

- really really comfy lounge chairs;
- lotsa trashy mags to read;
- finding out your blood type;
- feeling that funny bag of blood and how nice and warm it is;
- getting a couple of hours off work - ligitimately;
- the yummy milkshake and snacks after;
- the excuse to pig out at lunchtime; and
- that really good feeling as the nurse removes the needle/tube from your arm, that you have done a good deed, and that your miniscule effort can help up to three people and make a difference.

My second bout of charity was an attendance of an fundraiser concert on Thrus nite for Urban Seed, a charitable group dedicated to helping the homeless and marginalised people in Melb's CBD. The concert showcased the Bearbrass ENsemble (which my friend from work A plays 2nd violin in), and also a young bloke by the name of Hugo Britt, who, it would seem, is a bit of gun at playing the flute.

Those of you who know me, would no doubt be aware that classical music (or more specifically in this case, pieces from the Baroque era), is not really my forte. But it was nice to experience something different, and to be able to enjoy the music, even without knowing the background, or what it was about. To just kinda sit there, and concentrate on nothing else but the sounds produced by a group of people and their instruments, and think of whatever comes into your mind about the music.

My final good deed was my donation of $2 to our monthly Mufti day at work: i mean, good things come in threes right?

One of those moments

2005-05-24T21:54:00.000+10:00

That's it - right there. One of those moments in life when its easier to breathe through your mouth... gasping for air, swallowing it down. One of those moments when your heart hardens through that feeling when a particular thought, a particular reality hits your brain. ANd then, the brain hardens in a similar fashion. And for a brief brief moment, the pain materialises and it becomes almost physical.

Its strange how easily avoided these moments are. Perhaps if i (we) were less stubborn, just for one moment, it would all turn out differently. Happy almost. Or at least, contentment. I also realise that i have the ability to make things turn out differently. But then i think: what for? The answer, i suspect, will simply be for more of the same. And if neither of us want to make a difference, perhaps then it is all for a better?

Tomorrow is another day.

Not happy Jan...

2005-05-22T16:46:00.000+10:00

just returned from the most unfulfilling shopping expedition.

tried on a great emerald green silk dress which was also on sale. i noticed that there was a bit of damage on it (which i thought i would live with), so (as any other person would) i approached the SA and asked for a discount. She took it away to her colleages and returned suggesting i dont get the dress. She pointed out other points of flaw with a fabric (which didnt really bother me much until she pointed it out).. and she said that she can give me 20% off but that she "really wouldnt get it". So, relunctantly i left it with her.

i mean, i wouldnt want to appear as someone who happily wears faulty clothes right? But i really do still like the dress, and with the extra 20%, it would be almost 50% off the original price. bugger.

i think i really need to buy it now.

Depressed

2005-05-21T18:13:00.000+10:00

Perhaps "depression" (and i use the term loosely) is a self fulfilling prophecy. This week, at least three people have come up to me wearing looks of concern saying thing like "whats wrong?" or "are you ok? you look sad" or "you dont seem your usual self" (whatever that may be). And at the end of this week, i do feel noticeably more depressed. Maybes its just caused by the stress of why all these people are thinking this way about me?

I'm again going thru that "no body loves me" phase... where i'm not 'popular, or important of center-of-attention' enough for my liking. But is anyone ever? I feel like i've been a bitch... a bit too much of a bitch, but probably still not enough. i dont like the clothes i have in my wardrobe... and of course, the issue of the dreaded "F-word". And to add to that, i'm sick of the way my relationship is.... and more importantly, i'm sick of ppl asking about it - i mean, its pretty clear that i'm trying to avoid the issue isnt it?

ANyhow.. maybe i'm just hungover and sleep deprived and PMS-ing (oh the dreaded TLA*)... maybe i'll go and do something wholesome and useful tmr to make up for it.

* Three Letter Acronym

Hours of amusement

2005-05-15T18:24:00.000+10:00

http://www.widro.com/throwpaper.html

Me VS the world of people who can cook

2005-05-15T18:12:00.000+10:00

This weekend i went to a couple of rather 'adult' parties and the hosts of each made a spectacular array of tasty food. On the menu were homemade pizzas, a variety of gourmet salads, little bite-size cheesy thing with semi dried tomatoes, smoked salmon and cream-cheese wrapped in sliced cucumber etc. etc....

I talked to a couple of managers at work (they were both young married professional women... not really the daggy stereotypical 'manager' types) and they were discussing baking of cakes, and the cooking of legs of lamb and the use of a rice cooker versus cooking rice on a stove top. It made me think that i'm so illiterate in the language of cooking. Whilst i watch a ton of cooking shows, i've never really put any of it into practice.

Am i the only person on the face of the earth who cant cook?

Praise

2005-05-14T12:15:00.000+10:00

Have you noticed that in our 'adult life' we very rarely receive any direct praise for what we do, our acheivements, or for 'just being there'? When was the last time somebody said that you that something you did was great, or that you are doing really well? Not just any old praise - but the kindergarden type where you correctly indentified that 2 time 3 equals 6 and you get that enthusiastic "very good!".

You may say that we do get praise in moments of great acheivement. Like in graduations for example where you get applauded for surviving the academic process. But to be honest, applause is just a token gesture really... or at least, i rarely put any 'real praise' into it.

So having said all that, i guess it makes it extra special when one does receive this 'praise'.

I have nothing...

2005-05-10T21:12:00.000+10:00

I have nothing really of note to blog about. Perhaps apart from the fact that i remembered (very vaguely) several occurences today which i thought mite make an interesting addition to the blog. Its almost like when u have a really good dream but then u cant seem to recall it when you wake up.

Or maybe my brain cells are dying from alcohol poisoning which results in premature alzheimers? Or perhaps my memory brain cells are just on strike. But to put a more positive spin on thing (just for the hell of it), maybe they have much better and more important things to remember than the random events which happen in my silly little life.

Addendum: Perhaps the 'better and more important' things to remember would be related to the Federal Budget released tonight? I havnt really looked at it, but according to The Age, as an 'average taxpayer" (earning bw $21,600 and $58,000) i can look forward to a tax cut of $6 per week. Thanks Pete!

Now to think of all those wonderful things i can do with my $6. Perhaps now i can afford to purchase a copy of the Big issue from that bloke on our corner so that he would stop harassing me? Or maybe i can get that double white mocha frappe-latte-cino with whipped cream? Or i could revive my magazine addiction and subscribe to STYD? All the possibilities! And best of all, maybe this can make up for my loss of not being able to open and ING account tonite and get that $123 bonus! I'm feeling better already.

Confessions

2005-05-08T00:31:00.000+10:00

No no... dont get too excited yet... i'm not abt to divulge valuable info here. But i did just engage in some 'confessing' activity with some besties over coffee and icecream.

To my slight surprise, it seemed to be received with sheer horror (ok.. perhaps i have exaggerated). But it really makes me wonder whether i am simply a morally deprived person? Perhaps i'm just a bitch, or a slut, or some sort of crazy person who lives constantly on the edge? [though that thought does agree with me... makes me sound like an asian version of Angelina Jolie!]. Perhaps i had simply picked the wrong audience? Maybe all i needed was to fess up to some irresponsible alcoholics who empathise with the variety of strange and wonderful things drunken ppl do. But then again, i wasnt really after empathy, in fact, i dont really think i was after anything at all.

I suppose the diplomatic thing to say now is that everybody simply has different view on what behaviour is acceptable and what crosses the line. And well, its probably true.

Do you accept Diners?

2005-05-07T16:57:00.000+10:00

Such dangerous words which are so frequently uttered from my lips.

On a happy note, it also means i get the immediate gratification of new possessions. I suppose pleasure never comes without a healthy dose of pain.

Another secret.

2005-05-07T01:06:00.000+10:00

Yes yes... i have another secret.

This time it's bigger and better... and quite bad.

But what is life without a little mischief eh?

Enough Already!

2005-05-04T22:19:00.000+10:00

I'm sick of being fat! just eating extensive amounts and then sitting on my arse to encourage the development of fat. So, today i joined the gym... for a 12 month contract. I'm not going until next monday though....

So i have one more week(end) to be fat.

My failed attempt at email blogger

2005-05-03T21:59:00.000+10:00

Not very happy about the fact that email blogger doesnt seem to work for me. I was super bored on monday morning (trying to procrastinate so that i would waste the morning before we went go-karting) so i thought that email blogging would provide an adequate distraction from doing real work. Perhaps because of my unsuccessful attempt to waste time, i seem to not have gotten over my 'urge' to do no work. As a result, i've been diligently doing "no work" for the past 2 days. Plus, tmr looks to be a complete write off...

very much looking forward to it!

Milestone

2005-05-01T20:23:00.000+10:00

Is it bad blogging etiquette/practice to do two in one day?? Should i perhaps have waited til after midnite? Well, this milestone moment simply could not wait!

Today i had my first "working on the weekend" experience. *shock horror*

The good news is, my counselling manager was there to do her work too - i must appear so dedicated and hardworking.

Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

2005-05-01T12:07:00.000+10:00

Went to see it last nite on the advice of work friend A. In fact, he had recommended it so much that he said he wanted to go see it again!

I can definitely see why he had enjoyed it so much. The movie had this strange flavour to it (and not only because it is set in the outerspace!) and a distinct British type humour... which... well.. was really funny. And of course, despite its strangeness it actually had some sort of message. It was the type of 'funny cos its true' humour.. having a good old laugh at ourselves, our society, our religion... all the things we take so seriously in life.

In the end, it all doesnt really matter. We could well be just a miniscule part of something much much grander. One minute we are here, and the next we could be demolished to make way for a hyper space freeway. Its all good.... just as long as you have ur towel and a nice cuppa.

Secret

2005-04-30T11:05:00.000+10:00

Yes. I have a secret.

I was told that it must not be mentioned. Ever.

various things

2005-04-26T20:43:00.000+10:00

As the title suggests, various occurences and thoughts of late:

1. Weekend away to Daylesford

Hardly relaxing enough. It appears that somebody mistook my requested 'relaxation massage from goodlooking masseur' for the S&M version, complete with ice-maiden who dug nails into one's back and rubs one's neck til it feels sore...

Despite small ups and downs, it wasnt too bad. Daylesford is definitely a very yuppie town (sits comfortably with yuppie-self) full of gay guys (who were lovely by the way)... much like sydney really....

2. Departures

Feel quite sad actually. Jen (our lovely, vibrant and at times deviant) PA is leaving in June...Well, she isnt going that far, only to audit as a grad... but its still really sad for me. I dont think we can get someone else who is as nice and as good.... i mean, there are lots of idiotic women out there. I guess everyone else who had left hadnt really been that close to me, but Jen was always friendly to poor little me and made me feel apart of the group.

what will life be without jen?

3. Broke

Self evident really: once again i'm broke

4. Amenesia

I must have read the Pelican Brief before... its highly unlikely that i would have bought the book and not read it. Yet, as i'm (re) reading it, i have no recollection of the story/plot at all. Nothing rings a bell... at all.

5. Boredom

Life must be pretty boring for these to be my most interesting thoughts. Perhaps i'm consciencely resisting to discuss my work or boring love life here.

One thing to note is that time does go incredibly quickly at work... which is rather scary. So much time, and so little acheived.

And love life... well, again its down in the dumps. Perhaps its time for an affair...? Maybe if someone with non-presumptious, non-self righteous friends who feel the right/need to barge into your life? Maybe that will be too hard.

The Game

2005-04-16T23:24:00.000+10:00

Just came back from my first footy match. And may i just say that i absolutely loved it. My cousin (who took me), an avid geelong fan, was most pleased with their thrashing over Essendon.

I never really "got" footy before. But perhaps my mind is changed from now. The speed of the game, the skill in each pass and kick, the grace in the coordination and movement of players, the fierce passion, the physical battles, and of course the buff men in tight shorts all add to the excitement and addictiveness of the game. Another observation is the type of people who go to the footy. There were actually a whole lot more young ppl then i had thought. Young guys and girls dressed up for a casual night out, beers and cheap wine free flowing - perhaps not a bad place to pick up? Plus, as a chick, watching 2 hours of men running after a ball, getting into fierce and physical arguments... and oh, their very very toned arms... is really not such a bad sat night.

And it does help that we had really kick-arse seats (thanks V) and that i got a really good view of Hirdy's flowing golden locks........ hmm....(?)

Little things forgotten.

2005-04-06T21:02:00.000+10:00

As evident through my recent blogs, i think the whole work thing is undoubtably taking over my life. All of my conversations, thoughts and general sources of paranoia are somehow related to the 9 to 5 (or perhaps more correctly: 9 til... forever). My work colleague asked me recently whether it had dawned on me yet that i'll be doing this for the rest of my life.

So perhaps a little message from a friend of a past life (AKA uni) came as a timely reminder of the little things that have been forgotten:

"think happy thoughts like affordable shoe shopping and puddle jumping with grace and integrity"

A little can make a difference.

Another week...

2005-04-03T20:36:00.000+10:00

It kinda sucks that i now only have time to blog once a week. I guess the highlight would have to be friday night - though nothing much really happened. It was more getting drunk with people from work - there seems to be a pattern emerging.

On a 'happy' note, i met another one of my 'target' cute guys from work, and also, as a surprise throw-in, i met this other bloke from uni (who's actually still at uni) who i used to perve on on the train. So to avoid sounding like a total pervert (i word i often use after binge watching british romantic-comedies), i really must finish my blog on another note. Perhaps some useless info would surfice?

I read in Marie Claire today that the average beer contains around 600 kilojoules (for those who dont know, that's the stuff that makes you fat). So one beer is equivalent to a streets paddle pop, two is equal to having a mars bar, three is around the same as a bucket of hot chips, and four would be a whole two course dinner. And on the most recent friday nite, i had 4 beers follow promptly by KFC.

KFC, by the way, would be equivalent to about 60 billion beers. Yes, it is that good.

Have you ever?

2005-04-01T22:46:00.000+10:00

Tasted a bottle of $700 vino??

Of course, it's not something that i can afford or care to spend my hard earned dosh on, but hey - if the opportunity comes up, why not? Who would have thought that my boss at work, a man who was (and possibly still is) a sparky by trade would one day be buying his free-loading pond-scum employees $700 bottles of wine at Supper Club. And a man who quite regularly does so, mite i add, for the normally lovely staff at the Supper Club were definitely extra lovely that night.

Now back to the wine. I'm not a wine buff. Truthfully, i mainly drink to 1. get pissed and 2. exude an image of class and social aptness, but this 1988 Hill and GRace Shiraz was truely beautiful. The taste was undoubtably smooth but the 'bouquet' (haha - use of a technical vino term!) was magnificent. Being a shiraz, it was richly fruity, like berries (yes - almost like ribena) followed by a deep earthy finish which can only be described as 'barnyard manure' (oddly enough, another vino term i learnt from the hunter valley last year!).

Perhaps one day this puddle jumper can have the pleasure of spending ridiculous amounts of money on wine? Most likely i'll spend it on shoes.

inducted and induced

2005-03-24T20:47:00.000+11:00

The first step of my firm's 3 year career progression program - the graduate induction, held at Melbourne's Crown Casino is officially over. I am now "inducted" into our firm. In theory the past 2 days should have completely brainwashed me into a 'green dot' loving maniac who thinks that there should be 7 lights in the traffic signals (lame i know....). The reality is, i'm as (if not more) cynical than ever!

Hearing inspirational stories from the old fart national leader partners, the work-life balance stratagies of a 30 something pregnant partner, and a (incredibly spunky looking) young bloke who made partner at 25 really just made me more aware that.... well its just not going to happen. Or at least, it doesnt happen for everyone as easily. Dont get me wrong, i dont beleive i have no chance at all - i'm just more realistic, and i dont like to be presented with things through rose-coloured sunnies. Everytime i hear a story of sucess, i think of the unspoken sacrafice which inevitably must come with it. I really have to wonder how many of the grads were 'induced' into beleiving that shit!

But its not all bad... knowing that these people do exist in our firm is good (especially when they are 25 and incredibly handsome!!). And without doubt, the best part was definitely the free booze and the consequential 'bonding' with my fellow grads. I must say, i'm incredibly fortunate to be in such good company - and to put it simply, these grads are top ppl and is awesome fun to hang out (and get drunk) with. And the best part?? i made (sorta) friends with one guy i had a major crush on during uni - he, however turned out to be a complete nerdy freak - but is also wonderfully nice and very talented.

Despite the fun i have had, i feel like complete shit right now. So tired.... must sleep...

Never again...

2005-03-18T23:35:00.001+11:00

i hereby solemly promise myself NEVER to stay out til 3am on a weekday (even if it is a Thursday nite). I must remember that Friday, albeit a more 'relaxed' workday, is still a work day. I must not be lured by the free beers and the 'group consensus' that if your partners are still there partying, so can you. I must also note that although a sleep in has been granted by the above group consensus: waking up at 8.30am is still NOT enough.

Most importantly, i must not think that just because i have survived it once, i will survive it again. Because i am sure, that there is some damage that even the more expensive SK-II cannot repair.

Never again...

2005-03-18T23:35:00.000+11:00

I just got home from work...

2005-03-15T22:43:00.000+11:00

Yep, i did... and its past 10.30pm. My mouth is incredibly dehydrated from the MSG ladened dinner, and my stomach is slightly funny due to the excessively spicy noodles i had consumed. This is the first night (no doubt of many) that i stayed back to work late. And to be honest, i actually quite enjoyed it.

Now i can truely call myself 'a part' of my group: a group notoriously known for our late nites (and late mornings), our beer & chips (and our morning coffee break), our loud chattering in the midst of day, but a group which also... well... works damn hard. Though today my role in our project was rather minimal and incredibly mundane, i still felt proud that i was there to do it. That it needed to be done and that we can charge the client a shit load for it. Plus its always nice to have a free meal on the client - even if it is greasy chinese!

So here i am, my working life.

Little Miss Stubborn

2005-03-06T21:24:00.000+11:00

I've been feeling very stubborn lately. My friends have commented that it is a highly odd 'feeling' to have. But I (true to form) stand-by my decision that i'm feeling stubborn.

I guess last night i was just stuck in a room (quite literally) with too many people i didnt like. Everywhere i turned i felt like i had to look away. It was tiring, not to mention suffocating. But that is the price to pay for being stubborn. Of course, i could well have chosen to grin and bear it: to be friendly and gracious, to by-pass our differences and to have a good time. But what's the fun in that? Instead i chose to be snooty and reclusive. Choosing to be grumpy and stubborn all night.

To be honest, it's not quite reflective of my normal self. I'm usually much more agreeable. But i was tired, and sleep deprived and had just survived a whole week of work (albeit one full of long lunches), so i therefore deserve to be stubborn. At least for a day.

Exercising my analytical skills.

2005-03-05T11:50:00.000+11:00

Well, since my official role as a 'tax analyst' has begun (*gulp*), i'd thought it's time to engage in a little analytical exercise to brush up on my... hmm... skills in the area. Of course the most direct and logical way to improve my skills and to enhance my working career would be to open up the Tax Act, and choose a subject to analyse from there. Instead i will examine the photo in my profile/avatar.

I had actually come to realise that the little image actually saids a lot more about me than i had thought. To put this into context, the photo was taken randomly last September whilst we were having our group conference (read: junket) in the HUnter Valley. My colleage was playing with my digital camera as, being a mother of a child aged 3, she had no time or money to invest in such things.

Now for the analysing: Not only does the photo feature a pair of jeans and shoes (things which are in undeniable abundance in my wardrobe, and in my life), it also features me holding a shopping bag. The image screams "i am a shoe and denim loving shoppaholic". And for the more delicate observers, they will note that whilst the shoes are a sport-y sneaker type Diesel pair, they actually serve no practical function if i actually had to - god forbid - run, due to the thin velcro straps. This is indicative of my utter un-sporty-ness, though subtley hinting my constant desire to improve my sporting finese.

And finally, to top it off, unbeknown to most, the shopping bag actualy contains a bottle of wine.

'nuff said.

The End.

2005-02-27T22:41:00.000+11:00

Here i am. Tmr i'm starting my first day of full time work...the begining of the rest of my life of working.

I think this weekend i had refrained from thinking about it by keeping myself busy with social activities. My version of the last supper perhaps? I was telling my friend that honestly, i am only in fear of the fear itself - that one day i will hate working, and that i cant go back. In truth, at this moment i'm much more excited and anxious rather than dreading.

I had better go and iron my shirt now.

Meet my shoes!

2005-02-25T14:44:00.000+11:00

I'm so bored. Really i am. And i am one who can spend a whole afternoon at the library, or 1.5 hours in target and can entertain myself at my local suburbia shopping center. And this is certainly no way to be spending the remaining of the days of my life (seeing i start work on Monday). Apart from this being a very very sad end to 'life-as-i-know-it', it is also causing immense injustice to my shoes. Just bc i have no social life, does not mean that my shoes should be punished by a life of sitting there oogling at me from the shoe rack! So here they are - meet my shoes:

Now as a preface, there is no way i can go through all my shoes in one post, so i'll start with my collection of flat points: my go anywhere everyday shoe. Since i grown out of wearing runners/sneakers/street shoes, the flat points has been a god send. Might i just say "pointy flats are the solution to anything".

My go anywear basic black points from Robert Robert. Leather everything and incredibly confortable and versatile.

It was love at first site. The buttery leather and the luscious deep purple.... they were THE perfect points: perfectly shaped and flat. Too bad they were damaged after only 3 wears when i fell over in taiwan and nearly got ran over by a scooter. :(

silk weave shoes - so nice and summery! the exact same shoe retailed at Witchery for $139.95, i got mine in HK for around $9!

side detail.

Who could resist a pair of silver mock-snakeskin moccasins? i have no idea what i'll wear them with, plus they are 2 sizes too big!

My schizo shoes: them seem unable to decide whether they want to be round toed or pointy. Either way, i love their kitsch-y style.

So pretty. i paid too much for these shoes. But i just had to have them.

As u guessed, these are the newer additions to the family. And despite my Chinese heritage, my footware must be Greek, cos man is the family big!

'lil explaining to do

2005-02-23T23:09:00.000+11:00

Some of you may have noticed that i had recently changed my profile. This new, and dare i say it, improved profile perhaps requires a 'lil explaining. So come, take my hand, and let me walk you through it:

Firstly, my "number one". Rather self-explanatory methinks, i mean, who wouldnt want to be the high-school clown or the witty-cynic who is loved by all?! As a comedian, you can withstand really really bad haircuts and fashion (think Seinfield bad) and still be immortalised as a cultural icon. And so, during my highschool years I entertained the possibility of being my very own Rob Stich. So, now that I have my law degree (woohoo!), all i need now is have my very own Panel show and a kick-arse name for an entertainment company.

BTw, just to prove that i'm serious about this ambition, and why it deserves to be number one, i had even put this as my ambition in my highschool year book. Go figure.

Regarding the rest of my top ambitions (bar the 'unemployed wife of zillionaire' one - which again is self-explanatory), they can be traced to my utter obsession with reality tv/home-makerover/wardrobe makeover/cooking shows on TV. What's not to love? the possibility of a bunch of strangers wielding bright lights and powerful lenses intruding your home, humiliating you in front of national TV, and then 'making it all better'.

And with the 'tax accountant' thing. To be honest, once upon a time, it actually made its way quite high into the list. When i was... i dunno, so age of naivity - say 9 years old, my dad's accountant came to visit our house. He had with his this really "cool" calculator that was able to general its own paper receipts. And that was what spurn my brief fling with the idea of becoming an accountant. Perhaps this is the classic case of childhood memories scarring one for life?

I think i'm going to die...

2005-02-22T23:10:00.000+11:00

Utterly stunning bag which sends my bank account balance shaking with fear from a mere sniff of the buttery leather.... If only i had that luxury.

Chloe Padlock Bag: $1800 a small price to pay for heaven?

What ever am i to do?